Posts tagged weight
After meeting my hematologist, in January, I started thinking about my health and what I need to do to make it better. He told me I have to stop smoking, start exercising, and lose weight. Smoking and all the extra weight I’m carrying increases my already high risk for stroke, blood clots, heart attack, embolus, and deep vein thrombosis. Those factors no doubt attributed to my high blood pressure and diabetes as well. I’m at a point where if I don’t do something to turn the decline of my physical health around it will kill me sooner rather than later and I won’t be able to carry a baby full-term. I can’t handle another miscarriage.
A few months after I graduated high school I embarked on a journey to lose weight. I succeeded. I lost 100 pounds in eight months, but I did it in a less than healthy way. I took prescription diet pills and I severely restricted my caloric intake. It got to the point where I would fast 3-4 days a week and on the days I would it, I wouldn’t eat more than 500 calories. I isolated myself from everyone. I was starving myself. My family was worried about me and there were rumors of me using meth to lose weight, which were untrue.
I skipped work today. I was awake until almost 6am thinking about that Oprah show and my past. I was too exhausted to deal with people. I knew I had a doctor appointment at 2 so I intended to get some sleep, go to the doctor and then work the rest of my split shift. It didn’t work out that way. After the doctor, I went home and fell asleep and woke up too late to go to work.
I had a follow-up appointment with my new doctor today. I went to see him the first time on November 18th because the E.R. doctors told me it was important to follow up with a primary care doctor within a few days. He confirmed their diagnosis of bronchitis and a broken rib. He said the bronchitis had been caused by the flu. He assumed it was H1N1 due to the severity of my symptoms. He gave me some strong cough suppressant pills that almost completely stopped the coughing so my rib could start to heal. He also gave me pain pills and a steroid inhaler to help with the coughing.
I like this doctor. He is thorough, takes his time, and pays attention to what I tell him. Today’s appointment was a follow-up on the bronchitis and also to get the results of the blood and urine tests. Most of the results were good. The UTI cleared up, my A1C (average blood glucose test for the past 2-3 months) was 6.9, which is the same as it was shortly after I was diagnosed with Diabetes in February, my good cholesterol was 202, my bad cholesterol was 120, but he said he thinks the reason it was so high was because my thyroid is too low, which increases the bad cholesterol. He said I have hypothyroidism and gave me a script for Levothyroxine to help stabilize it. Unfortunately, I will have to take it for the rest of the my life. My blood pressure has drastically improved since my mom moved out, but it’s still too high and he prescribed a pill for that too.
The aspect of recovery from mental illness that is most difficult for me is having the knowledge that relapse is not only possible, it is inevitable. It has made me damned near obsessive with self-awareness. Many thoughts, behaviors, and urges I have are automatic, but I find myself frequently questioning them shortly thereafter.
For instance, if I have the urge to exercise, I ask myself if it’s because an episode is in progress or impending, then other questions follow, such as: Is it because you’re manic and have too much energy? Is it because you want to lose weight? If so why do you want to lose weight? Are you ashamed of your body? Are you starting to hate yourself again?
I have to make some changes in my lifestyle, particularly a few bad habits that are negatively affecting my health. I’m afraid of what will happen if I successfully make the changes, but at this point, I must push past that fear. Otherwise, dialysis and/or an organ transplant may be in my future. I certainly don’t want things to progress that far. I have to pull myself out of the denial and take this new diagnosis seriously.
When I was ready to go back to work after I recovered from Pleurisy in February, I had to go to the doctor to get a release. The doctor decided to run a few tests because he suspected I have diabetes. Unfortunately, his suspicions were confirmed. So I was diagnosed as a new diabetic February 9th.
Initially, I didn’t believe the diagnosis. I didn’t believe I had symptoms. My blood sugar was a little high, but I assumed that was because I am a dedicated Coke drinker and had at least a bottle before I went to the doctor that day. However, after a few weeks of nagging from a nurse, I finally kept an appointment with the Tulsa Diabetes Clinic. I had that appointment last Friday.