Posts tagged Tori
I’m used to January being a bittersweet month and I’ve come to expect February’s to hold some sort of devastation. However, February 2012 takes the cake, and that is no small feat considering Februarys past.
Within three weeks of Pawpa getting sick, he was gone; poof, just like that. We had little time to wrap our minds around his ultimate fate, much less accept it. Once hospice took over his care I knew it was just a matter of time, but I still hoped like hell that he would beat the odds. I tried to be there for him as much as I could in his last few weeks. How could I not? He was my Pawpa and I wanted to make sure that he knew how much I loved him. When I felt his last heartbeats and realized that he was gone, I wanted nothing more than to curl up next to him and take my last breaths as well.
There is so much bullshit going on right now I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my head. I’ve been in a form of shock over my grandfather’s health. I wasn’t prepared for this. I don’t know how to handle it in a healthy way. My first instinct was to cut because I knew that seeing my blood would help me feel better and bring on the calm numbness.
I went out with Tori and Dudney Wednesday night. First, we did a little shopping for the new apartment Tori is planning to get. Then we went out to dinner at a home cooking style cafe. It was great to sit with them and just talk and joke. We spent more time laughing than we did eating. After we left there, Tori and Dudney wanted to go have a few drinks at End Up. I didn’t really want to go there. It reminds me of Paul too much and we went there for New Year’s Eve. I wanted to go to a straight bar or a lesbian bar, but Tori has social anxiety and End Up is one of the few bars she feels comfortable, so I relented.
I spent some time with my mom and grandparents earlier. I had made roast and vegetables for dinner. It turned out pretty damn good. It wasn’t perfect, but it was only the second time I’ve made a roast. Granny had also gone to the doctor yesterday and got good news. Her defibulator/pacemaker is finally helping. The last adjustment they made worked and the doctor is taking her off some of her medications. Hearing that was a big relief. With all the loss the second half of 2011 brought, it is wonderful to have some great news for a change. Granny’s health is important to me. I couldn’t handle losing her or Pawpa.
David and/or Shawna tried to ruin my Christmas Eve. However, it didn’t work. All he/she accomplished was getting Granny pissed off. I think it’s pathetic that he/she/they would wait until Christmas Eve to try to stir up drama, but that’s Shawna’s style. She tries to emotionally hurt people as badly as she can. Her tactics don’t work on me anymore. I’d have to give a shit about what they thought for that to happen and quite honestly, I couldn’t give a fuck less.
The only reason I am writing this is because Granny asked me to do so. She said, “I want you and Jess to tell that spiteful bitch that I SAID THIS SHIT BETTER FUCKING STOP! This is bullshit! Our family didn’t have any fights or trouble like this until that BITCH-WITCH came along. She needs to grow up and stop bothering you. So does David Leslie if he’s involved in this crap too. IT’S BULLSHIT!” Anyone who knows my Granny knows she can’t stand the ‘F’ word. She only uses it when she really means it. I’m posting Granny’s warning because I know Shawna still obsessively stalks me via my blog and social networking sites despite the protective order, so this is the best means to get it to her without actually having to interact with the evil cunt and violate my own protective order.
Granny, Mom, Jess, and Taylor all read the messages. Mom is convinced it was all Shawna, pretending to be David and doesn’t even think David knows about it. Granny and Taylor think Shawna did it all, but that David knew about it. Jess and I think David and Shawna both were doing it. I want to think what my mom thinks, but I don’t. None of us think it was David acting alone. Shawna was definitely involved in the harassment, which is a direct violation of the protective order.
For those of you who aren’t Shawna, David, or know either of them you’re probably a bit curious about what this is all about. If you’ve been reading my blog for a couple of years or if you’ve read old posts then you have an idea of what’s going on. For those that don’t, I’ll explain.