Posts tagged meds
I skipped work today. I was awake until almost 6am thinking about that Oprah show and my past. I was too exhausted to deal with people. I knew I had a doctor appointment at 2 so I intended to get some sleep, go to the doctor and then work the rest of my split shift. It didn’t work out that way. After the doctor, I went home and fell asleep and woke up too late to go to work.
Music has often been a lifeline for me, especially when I can identify with the lyrics of particular songs. Not all of these songs are about Bipolar Disorder per se, however, they resonate facets of the bipolar experience.
10. Chumbawamba – Tubthumpling lyrics (I get knocked down)
Bipolar disorder is a roller coaster. This song serves to remind us that we are fighters and we will survive and get through the episodes. We truly only fail when we give up and stop fighting.
9. Nirvana – lithium
This song describes the Bipolar Battle perfectly. The structure of the song itself is reminiscent of Bipolar Disorder and its irrational thought patterns and short attention spans, jumping rapidly from image to image with little or no connection. It was written by Kurt Cobain, who unfortunately, lost his battle with Bipolar Disorder and killed himself April 5, 1994. Like many of us, he suffered far more depressive episodes than manic/hypomanic ones. The last several years of his life were spent self-medicating with hard drugs, such as heroin and LSD. He also took lithium to treat his bipolar symptoms. Lithium is the most well known medication used to treat Bipolar Disorder. However, it carries its own horrors. It is relatively toxic and it is common to experience tremors, nausea, diarrhea, lethargy and dehydration. It can cause damage to kidneys and thyroid. It can also leave those who take it feeling tired, dull, empty and lost.
8. Godsmack – Whatever
Irritability, rage and social isolation are common symptoms of an episode, This song describes bipolar rage and isolation.
7. Matchbox 20 – Unwell
Bipolars still face a lot of stigma and discrimination. Many people automatically assume we are “crazy” and withdraw from us. We just need a little understanding.
6. Tonic – Tonic – Take Me as I am
After the bipolar diagnosis we are left trying to explain it to those we care about and we hope they can accept us as we are.
5. Placebo – Meds
Medications are often the cornerstone of bipolar disorder treatment. Many bipolars choose not to medicate as they do not wish to lose the manic highs. Or they will take the meds during depressive episodes but go off of them when they feel better.
4. Aerosmith – Amazing
3. Three Days Grace – Break
At one point or another all bipolars can identify with this song.
2. Good Charlotte – Good Charlotte – Hold On
Suicide is the leading cause of death for those with bipolar disorder. This song is a reminder that we can get through those terrible times and it also reminds us how killing ourselves would affect those we care about. This song has literally saved my life.
1. Manic by Plumb
The most well known aspect of bipolar disorder is the manic episodes; this song is from the viewpoint of someone who loves a bipolar who is in the throes of a manic episode..
Honorable Mention: Macy Gray – Relating to a Psychopath
The chains that bound me to certain people have weakened near the point of disintegration and I’ve given myself a clean slate. As a result, I am de-stressed and I can breathe freely.
This whole being happy thing kinda scary. It’s been awhile since I’ve considered myself happy. Since I’ve been off the meds, I’ve been paying attention to myself, watching for signs of a relapse or an improvement.
I see a drastic improvement. However, I’m afraid a manic episode could be creeping around the corner. So far, I haven’t noticed any significant symptoms. Nevertheless, my happiness is somewhat disturbing. Right now, I’m trying to figure out whether I’m “happy” or if I’m nearly “euphoric.” While the latter feels post-orgasmic, it signals an impending nosedive. I don’t feel post-orgasmic currently, but I do feel ecstatic1.
After five days of avoiding Patrick’s 6+ a day calls to me, I finally answered one. Patrick is persistent and would not take the hint that I really didn’t want to talk to him. I answered it just so he would stop calling. He has a tendency to drive by my house several times a day when I don’t talk to him, so I figured he knew I was home.
I knew he was looking for some naughty talk and perhaps a mid-afternoon rendezvous. I wasn’t interested, which is part of the reason I was avoiding his calls. At first, I didn’t really know what to say to him. I hadn’t really thought about him or our situation in any significant detail.
He and I have been having sex together irregularly for over a year. Tori and Dudney know him as either the Bug Guy (he usually comes over in his work uniform and he’s an exterminator) or Plan-B Guy (he usually leaves a box of Plan B contraceptives in my mailbox the morning after).
After I answered his call, he immediately began telling me that he knew I was avoiding him because he’d been driving by my house. Then he started talking sexually.
So much has been happening the past few months I have become numb. I am having a hard time processing everything at once, so I am trying to break it down event by event and address each one individually.
Recent Events and/or Developments
• My Grandma called me last night to tell me that my biological father called their house and spoke with my Pawpa. He told him that his mother died awhile back, he got out of prison (again) in October, and that he is sober. Shockingly, he asked about me. My defense mechanisms are working overtime and I am still in shock.
• My brother, David, and my best friend, Shawna, eloped last Tuesday. My first reaction was fury; it has since mellowed to anger and disappointment. I was furious because they got married without allowing anyone, me included, to witness it. David chose not to tell us because he knew we would try to talk him into waiting awhile. He is as stubborn as the rest of us. I think he was a bit foolish about rushing into a ready-made family. (more…)