Posts tagged Jonathan
I spent a big part of the day sitting in my bed with my laptop. I prefer to spend my first day off alone or with Tori so I can regroup. I enjoy my job, but being nice, polite, courteous, helpful, and extremely patient while dealing with customers of varying intelligence and temperament 40+ hours per week is mentally draining; that combined with the pressure I put myself under to be a top performer leaves me close to exhausted by the beginning of my fifth shift of the week (if not sooner). I am not complaining though. I am thankful to have a job1. It allows me to be independent and it’s no secret how much I value my independence and freedom.
This is the first day off I’ve had in weeks that I got to enjoy my own company. It was great. I’m supposed to go pick Tori up around midnight. Adam has been texting me. He’s trying to sweet talk me into going over to his house and hanging out with him. Apparently, he has the house to himself. He told me that he and Nick made up. Nick said he blacked out and doesn’t remember their fight or the events leading up to it.
- especially one that I don’t loathe [↩]
So much has been happening the past few months I have become numb. I am having a hard time processing everything at once, so I am trying to break it down event by event and address each one individually.
Recent Events and/or Developments
• My Grandma called me last night to tell me that my biological father called their house and spoke with my Pawpa. He told him that his mother died awhile back, he got out of prison (again) in October, and that he is sober. Shockingly, he asked about me. My defense mechanisms are working overtime and I am still in shock.
• My brother, David, and my best friend, Shawna, eloped last Tuesday. My first reaction was fury; it has since mellowed to anger and disappointment. I was furious because they got married without allowing anyone, me included, to witness it. David chose not to tell us because he knew we would try to talk him into waiting awhile. He is as stubborn as the rest of us. I think he was a bit foolish about rushing into a ready-made family. (more…)
The State of Oklahoma finally released my brother November 6th and to top it off, the charges against my uncle were permanently dismissed. The family was thrilled; for the first time in seven years, no one we care about is caged up inside a prison or jail.
His homecoming was great. We had a small get-together and dinner at Lisa’s the first night he was home. He spent the night there because she had a woman there she wanted to hook him up with. However, David wasn’t interested in her.
The next night he stayed at my house. I had to work that day so we didn’t get to do much. The day after, Saturday, I invited some people over to party with us, including Shawna. Shawna has been a close friend for almost twelve years, so David knew her pretty well before he was locked up.
The party was extremely eventful. The most disturbing part of it was Jonathan showing up and my nephew letting him in the house. Jonathan came straight to my room where I happened to be hanging out with Tori.
A few days after Jeff and I called it quits last month Patrick had called me to let me know that he and his ex-wife were trying to work things out. I didn’t really care. Patrick and I had only been ‘seeing’ each other for about two weeks.
Well, yesterday morning, a few minutes after I woke up there was a knock at my door. It sounded like a Jonathan knock so I was a little scared. I made Dudney answer it. He came to the bathroom and told me it was some guy wearing an exterminator uniform and he asking for me. I told Dudney to find out who it was. He came back and told me it was Patrick.
I was quite surprised. I hadn’t thought about him since about two minutes after he told me he was getting back together with his ex. I invited him in, but I made sure Dudney was in the same room as us.
He was telling me how he couldn’t stop thinking about me and that he had stopped by several times but no one ever answered the door. I was skeptical. I heard a similar song and dance from Jeff a couple weeks prior.
We talked about his ex. He told me they were still trying to work things out, but it wasn’t going very well and that they still hadn’t had sex. He said that the last person he had slept with was me. Ah ha, the true reason for his visit had emerged. The shithead was looking for a piece of ass.
These men have some nerve, I tell you what. I flat out told him that I wasn’t acting out sexually any longer. He used to be a mental health counselor and he knows that I’m bipolar. He automatically jumped to the conclusion that I was in a depressive episode, just because I didn’t fall on my back with my legs in the air.
I told him I needed to take a shower and stuff. I figured he would leave. However, he was still waiting on me when I got out. A few minutes later his phone rang. It was his job, they were wondering where he was. He told me he had to leave.
I walked him to the door and he wanted me to come out on the porch so we would be out of Dudney’s earshot. I acquiesced. He began spitting game. I wasn’t buying it for a second, but I let him think I was. He was telling me how much he wanted me and blah, blah, blah.
I noticed his fly was down and I told him. I’ll be damned if the fucker didn’t whip his cock out on my front porch and start stroking it. WTF?!?
One of my weaknesses is that I like to see a man pleasure himself. After a couple minutes of watching him I became slightly aroused. Damn my hormones. He could tell I was starting to enjoy the show and he invited me to touch it and I’ll be damned if I didn’t do it. I had reached out and touched it before I really even knew what I was doing. Oh well, what’s done is done.
He asked me if he could come back after he was finished working. I told him that he could.
He started sending me naughty text messages as soon as he left. He came back over after he finished work for the day and we fucked like rabbits. Shame on me.
Whew! That was a lot of shit!
Self-injury session went too far and I had to get 27 stitches (New Year’s Day)
I stopped self-injuring for 6 months and then had several relapses
I had a breakdown at work.
I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital due to suicidal urges
I began the long journey to recovery
I started this blog
Tori almost died by suicide
I allowed myself to start crying
I cried four times
My brother left the Aryan Brotherhood
My mom lost her job and I had to support her
My mom’s car was stolen on my birthday
Some of my special belongings were ruined on my birthday due to a roof leak
Erick and I forgave each other face to face so to speak
Erick and I became online friends with benefits
Erick got divorced
Nick and I reconciled
Nick and I broke up
Nick went to prison
Jonathan stalked me
A friend was diagnosed with a terminal illness and was given less than a year to live
The ice storm from hell almost destroyed my house and hometown
My brother got to meet our niece for the first time
I had more episodes than I can remember
I had to take off work for several months due to the episodes
I filed a complaint against Directv for discrimination
I won the right to sue Directv from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission
I added 11 notches to my bedpost and revisited sexcapades with several former lovers
Tyler and his girlfriend was ran over twice and killed
My uncle was almost sent to prison
I became a member of a private sex club
I had my first foursome
J.R got married
J.R got an annulment
Dena let her kids meet their half-brother/2nd cousin
Dena forgave her cousin for getting pregnant by her husband
Jess went wild after leaving Gerald
Tori started having threesomes
Carah had 2 miscarriages
Carah is pregnant again
McKayla started walking, cutting teeth, and talking
McKayla had her first birthday
Jess got busted by the police having sex in her car
Joe got out of rehab
Ally almost died from a drug overdose
Felicia was diagnosed as bipolar
I learned a lot about myself and began addressing major issues from my life
I almost allowed myself to fall in love again
I was off work for several months due to hospitalization and a ton of therapy and groups