Posts tagged depression
Music has often been a lifeline for me, especially when I can identify with the lyrics of particular songs. Not all of these songs are about Bipolar Disorder per se, however, they resonate facets of the bipolar experience.
10. Chumbawamba – Tubthumpling lyrics (I get knocked down)
Bipolar disorder is a roller coaster. This song serves to remind us that we are fighters and we will survive and get through the episodes. We truly only fail when we give up and stop fighting.
9. Nirvana – lithium
This song describes the Bipolar Battle perfectly. The structure of the song itself is reminiscent of Bipolar Disorder and its irrational thought patterns and short attention spans, jumping rapidly from image to image with little or no connection. It was written by Kurt Cobain, who unfortunately, lost his battle with Bipolar Disorder and killed himself April 5, 1994. Like many of us, he suffered far more depressive episodes than manic/hypomanic ones. The last several years of his life were spent self-medicating with hard drugs, such as heroin and LSD. He also took lithium to treat his bipolar symptoms. Lithium is the most well known medication used to treat Bipolar Disorder. However, it carries its own horrors. It is relatively toxic and it is common to experience tremors, nausea, diarrhea, lethargy and dehydration. It can cause damage to kidneys and thyroid. It can also leave those who take it feeling tired, dull, empty and lost.
8. Godsmack – Whatever
Irritability, rage and social isolation are common symptoms of an episode, This song describes bipolar rage and isolation.
7. Matchbox 20 – Unwell
6. Tonic – Tonic – Take Me as I am
After the bipolar diagnosis we are left trying to explain it to those we care about and we hope they can accept us as we are.
5. Placebo – Meds
Medications are often the cornerstone of bipolar disorder treatment. Many bipolars choose not to medicate as they do not wish to lose the manic highs. Or they will take the meds during depressive episodes but go off of them when they feel better.
4. Aerosmith – Amazing
3. Three Days Grace – Break
At one point or another all bipolars can identify with this song.
2. Good Charlotte – Good Charlotte – Hold On
Suicide is the leading cause of death for those with bipolar disorder. This song is a reminder that we can get through those terrible times and it also reminds us how killing ourselves would affect those we care about. This song has literally saved my life.
1. Manic by Plumb
The most well known aspect of bipolar disorder is the manic episodes; this song is from the viewpoint of someone who loves a bipolar who is in the throes of a manic episode..
Honorable Mention: Macy Gray – Relating to a Psychopath
I’ve still been dating Greg a few times a month, but not having sex with him. I’ve also started getting closer to a couple more guys I’ve met recently. One was through some friends and the other one works with me. Things are still on the flirting level with the two new guys. Greg and I are in the comfort zone, and I’m not quite sure where things stand with Zane.
Things with Zane have cooled off a bit. We haven’t seen each other or spoken much the past two weeks because we have completely opposite schedules now. He’s only off on Tuesdays and the rest of the week he works 7pm – 4am. I’m off Friday and Saturdays, but work 10:45am-7:30ish the rest of the week. When he’s off I’m at work or sleeping and when I’m off he’s at work or sleeping.
Zane also has a lot of challenges to deal with right now: this whole pre-divorce thing, trying to get back on his feet financially due to being out of work for almost three months, and a moderately severe depressive episode. Apparently, he’s bipolar type 2. He was diagnosed after we lost touch before, I just found out a few weeks ago.
All aspects of my life are going fabulous; quite a change from the constant turmoil of the past several years. My career is progressing well, my home life is satisfying, I have great friends and family (with a few exceptions), things have heated up in the romantic arena, and the EEOC is finally getting the ball rolling with the complaint I filed against Directv.
It has taken some getting used to, but I am accepting the good things as they come. I am genuinely happy, and it is a huge relief to know it’s not the fake happiness of a manic or hypomanic episode. I have found stability, on my own.
With a little help from my favorite herb I have clawed my way back from the depths of the black hole of depression, which wasn’t an easy task by far, but it has made me even stronger and I am proud of myself. Of course my life isn’t perfect, but nothing ever is in reality.
I dropped Zane around 2pm today. He had to meet with his ex so he could go see his kids. We were up almost all night talking, cuddling, and having sex. About an hour before I picked him up, I started spotting a little. I did the please-don’t-let-my-period-start-yet prayer and lucky for me I didn’t start.
Last night, when I first picked him up, he was in a shitty mood because his electric was shut off and he still hasn’t had any luck finding a permanent job. There aren’t any CNC machinist jobs currently available in Tulsa. He’s been off his anti-depressant for a few months and he’s been trying to fight off the depression on his own.
He isn’t bipolar, but he struggles with depression and anxiety. It’s gotten worse since he lost his job and can’t afford the medication, which is a common scenario, especially in the current economy. I feel lucky that I’m finally out of my depressive episode and I will do what I can to help him through his.
I know this was written over a month ago, but I just stumbled upon it earlier. I found it to be a very touching article. I hope we live to see this dream come true.
In celebration of Martin Luther King, Jr.:
I have a dream that one day I won’t hold my breath every time I tell a person that I suffer from bipolar disorder, that I won’t feel shameful in confessing my mental illness.
I have a dream that people won’t feel the need to applaud me for my courage on writing and speaking publicly about my disease, because the diagnosis of depression and bipolar disorder would be understood no differently than that of diabetes, arthritis, or dementia.
I have a dream that the research into genetics of mood disorders will continue to pinpoint specific genes that may predispose individuals and families to depression and bipolar disorder (like the gene G72/G30, located on chromosome 13q), just as specific genes associated with schizophrenia and obsessive-compulsive disorder have been located and identified.