Posts tagged Carah
David and/or Shawna tried to ruin my Christmas Eve. However, it didn’t work. All he/she accomplished was getting Granny pissed off. I think it’s pathetic that he/she/they would wait until Christmas Eve to try to stir up drama, but that’s Shawna’s style. She tries to emotionally hurt people as badly as she can. Her tactics don’t work on me anymore. I’d have to give a shit about what they thought for that to happen and quite honestly, I couldn’t give a fuck less.
The only reason I am writing this is because Granny asked me to do so. She said, “I want you and Jess to tell that spiteful bitch that I SAID THIS SHIT BETTER FUCKING STOP! This is bullshit! Our family didn’t have any fights or trouble like this until that BITCH-WITCH came along. She needs to grow up and stop bothering you. So does David Leslie if he’s involved in this crap too. IT’S BULLSHIT!” Anyone who knows my Granny knows she can’t stand the ‘F’ word. She only uses it when she really means it. I’m posting Granny’s warning because I know Shawna still obsessively stalks me via my blog and social networking sites despite the protective order, so this is the best means to get it to her without actually having to interact with the evil cunt and violate my own protective order.
Granny, Mom, Jess, and Taylor all read the messages. Mom is convinced it was all Shawna, pretending to be David and doesn’t even think David knows about it. Granny and Taylor think Shawna did it all, but that David knew about it. Jess and I think David and Shawna both were doing it. I want to think what my mom thinks, but I don’t. None of us think it was David acting alone. Shawna was definitely involved in the harassment, which is a direct violation of the protective order.
For those of you who aren’t Shawna, David, or know either of them you’re probably a bit curious about what this is all about. If you’ve been reading my blog for a couple of years or if you’ve read old posts then you have an idea of what’s going on. For those that don’t, I’ll explain.
I feel so much boiling within me that I’m afraid of what I could do. I have to release some of it and the healthiest way I can think to do that is to write and/or talk.
I had a long talk with Tori last night and I got a lot out, but I couldn’t express everything fully. She’s caring and sensitive and tends to take on other people’s problems over her own and I don’t want to burden her or anyone else with all of this.
I had several visitors1, calls, and texts yesterday and I am grateful for the love, comfort, and support so many people have shown me, but in some instances it made me feel worse. I can’t stand to see pity in one more person’s eyes or face.
Things that were so important to me as little as a day ago no longer matter. I’m completely enveloped with agony and no one has been able to console me, which makes me feel even worse because they are trying so hard to help me.
I’ve cycled through many feelings and emotions over the past 22-ish hours: love, confusion, panic, fear, shock, anger, hate, despair, contempt, sadness, grief, hopelessness, rage, disbelief, sorrow, guilt, shame, and many more.
All has been quiet on the Shawna front the past few months, since shortly after the judge granted the protective order against her. I’ve seen and talked to my brother a few times since then but haven’t heard a peep out of her and it hasn’t bothered me a bit. In fact, the only time I’ve even given her a thought is when someone else brings her up. Her absence from my life and the resulting peace has been great. Filing for the protective order was the best decision I could have made.
I’ve heard bits about her here and there, especially during the few weeks my mom stayed with them. The only new thing I heard was that her friend Lisa paid for the DNA test and that Aiden is David’s biological son. I didn’t believe it for a second though, and neither did anyone else in my family. After a couple of weeks, Carah told me that Shawna had lied about the test being done. I wasn’t surprised a bit. Shawna is a pathological liar and has a hard time being honest about anything.
I hadn’t thought about her again until last week, when I had to give the family member she stirred so much shit up about a ride home from work. I had been around him a few times since the truth came out, but never alone, and we hadn’t talked about what happened between us so many years ago. Since we were alone he took the opportunity to broach the subject. It was highly uncomfortable, but after almost 2 hours straight of talking about it, we have come to terms with it again and we both have closure. Now our relationship can start to heal. I only hope his marriage can do the same, but she may have done irreparable damage to it by bringing up all that dead history.
I hadn’t thought about her again until last night, when I opened up an email from Lisa, one of her closest friends. I almost didn’t open the email because I didn’t want to get dragged into more drama with Shawna. Nevertheless, I opened the email and this is what it contained:
Friday night, Tori, James, Taylor and Jacob spent the night. I took off work Saturday to deal with the busted pipe mess. Paul called around noon and wanted to see me. He wasn’t mad, but he did give me hell about not taking his phone charger back up to the bar for him.
His step-aunt, Stacey, was with him when I picked him up from Preston’s house. Apparently, she had a blowout with her man and she needed a place to crash for a few days. I didn’t really want to take in another stray, but I wanted to help her for Paul.
She and Taylor went with me to take him to a private job. I don’t know exactly what goes on during those housecalls and I really don’t want to, but my imagination was running on overdrive and I copped an attitude with him when he got back. My feelings were amplified by hormones because I started my period the day before.
It was obvious I was upset and he wanted to know what was wrong. The core issue was I hate the housecall part of his job, but I didn’t express that immediately. I tried to be nice about it because I didn’t want to start a fight, but he kept pushing the issue, he wanted to know why exactly I was upset and what he could do to fix it. He kept talking about communication and how key it is to a successful relationship.
Carah had the baby around 1:40pm today. She went into labor around 7am. They named him Tyler Robert Owen Steele. He was 7.7lbs and 19 inches long. So far I’ve only seen pictures because I had to work today, but he’s adorable. He has a full head of dark black hair. Hopefully, I’ll get to see him Tueday since I have to work again tomorrow… damn 10 hour shifts dominate almost my whole day.