Posts tagged boundaries
Before I took Paul to his business appointment late last night he was dicking around on Facebook. I don’t usually pay attention to what he’s doing online but he pulled me over to him when I was walking by his chair. I happened to look at the screen and see an open IM from a woman he had told me a few minutes before was someone in his family. This woman was telling him she missed him and wished she had a snuggle buddy and he parroted what she said. Seeing that IM added fuel to an already smoldering fire because of a few text messages I seen on his phone from his ex a few days ago. It instantly pissed me off, for obvious reasons, and I confronted him about it.
He assured me it was nothing to worry about because she lives in Kansas and there has never been any sexual activity between them. He also said it was just harmless flirting. I said if he had seen a similar conversation between another man and me he would be hurt and pissed. He said he didn’t think about it that way and I was right, then he apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again.
I told him he needs to stop leading other women on otherwise we are going to have some serious problems. Then I mentioned what I knew about his conversations with his ex. I asked him if plans on leaving me and moving back to where she is. He said he had no intentions of ever going back to her and he only maintains contact because he loves her daughter like his own and he wants to make sure she is alright. Then I asked him if his ex knows he doesn’t want to get back together with her and he said probably not. I asked him if he saw anything wrong with that and he started getting defensive. Then I asked him how he would feel if the situation was flipped and I was leading one of my exes on. He seemed to understand my position at that point.
Shawna didn’t have the nerve to go to the final protective order hearing on the 15th. I thought I would automatically win if she didn’t go, but that wasn’t the case. There was still a hearing; the only difference is she wasn’t there to lie about what had been going on. I didn’t bring my witnesses because I had heard Shawna didn’t plan to appear and I figured if there was still a hearing I had sufficient evidence to prove my case.
I showed the judge the comments that she made pretending to be other people – the ones I prevented from being posted on my blog as well as the ones that I did allow to be posted. I also showed him my cell phone records, a copy of the police report and the entire 25 page transcript of the text messages from September 29th. He looked at the comments and the first 2 pages of my phone records then he granted the final protective order for the full three years. He didn’t even have to look through the rest of my evidence to find that she was guilty of harassing and (cyber) stalking me.
I had talked to Tori the night before the hearing and she told me that when she got home last Sunday night David and Shawna were there. She said David talked to her a little, but Shawna wouldn’t even look at her. She thought that was funny. Tori was unsure how long they were there before she got home, but she said they left shortly after she got there. I was curious how much bullshit Shawna tried to stir up before Tori got home.
A true friend is hard to come by. As we grow older, we begin to drift apart from those we considered to be our other half during high school and college. It can be difficult to make new friends, and even more challenging to maintain old friendships as we go through various changes in life. If you are one who has the gift of true friendship in your life, you are fortunate. Most struggle to adjust and find one true friend that is consistent and constant in their life.
The Characteristics of A True Friend
We hear the term “true friend” quite a bit, however, what does this term really mean? A true friend may be composed of many different characteristics, and you may find various friends taking on this role as you grow and change. For example, one true friend may stick by you through thick-and-thin, however, after you marry and become a parent, you find that your relationships changes in both distance and intimacy based upon those who are experiencing similar life patterns. There is definitely a distinct amount of ebbing and flowing found within the parameters of friendship, however, there are some qualities that are always associated with true friendship.
Friday, Tamara went with me to see my case manager at Family and Children’s Services. I had to sign papers designating her as my treatment advocate. Tamara also wants to get an intake appointment for herself and wants me to be her treatment advocate. She thinks she may be bipolar as well and I think she may be right.
I told my case manager I want to get back into groups and counseling. She said before the counseling I need to have 3 appointments with her to discuss my recovery goals. She wanted me to think about what those goals are over the weekend and then come see her Monday afternoon.
I believe the number one thing I need to address is how the Jonathon situation has affected me. After a lot of thought I have come to the conclusion that the effects of the rape combined with the medication adjustment, cessation of marijuana consumption, and near-hostile living arrangement, and the return to work at Directv are the root causes of this episode. My secondary goals are to brush up on my coping skills; setting boundaries; and building healthy relationships.
I drove to my step-cousin’s house to get some bud earlier. I planned on getting in and out because I don’t particularly like Lisa. In fact, she has persistently irritated me for the past 22 years. She just rubs me the wrong way. However, I ended up being there for almost two hours.
We sat there and talked a little, and then we smoked a bowl together. After that, we started talking our asses off. She was telling me about her motorcycle wreck a month ago. It was pretty bad, she almost lost her leg. The doctors had to remove a lot of her calf muscle, so she can barely walk right now.
We talked about my mom. Lisa told me that my mom has been buying meth again and that she is in a lot of debt because her gambling habit. She keeps getting pulled over as well. My uncle and I had to bail her out of jail last weekend.