beat up

2011 Recap

4 months ago
in

Overall, I would call 2011 a bad year, but it had its moments:

Best Moments

  1. My beautiful nephew, Logan, was born.
  2. My sister married a good man who truly loves her.
  3. I didn’t have any .
  4. I stopped basing my relationships on and I let myself truly get emotionally involved with a man for the first time since .
  5. My heart didn’t get broken.

Worst Moments

  1. Uncle Butch, Bill, Aunt Nita, and Adrian died… all within two months of each other.
  2. My mother was committed to TCBH again.
  3. I realized my relationship with my brother is irredeemable.
  4. I had some major financial difficulties due to taking on too much responsibility where my was concerned.
  5. I was diagnosed with a couple of disorders that were the likely cause of my miscarriages.

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128 (21)

Tough Decision Made

5 months ago
in ,

I’m feeling much better emotionally. Sugarbear and I had a good talk last night. He sent me another pic of him all smiley and gorgeous. I’ve known him for over three years and we’ve been, as lame as it sounds, courting for the past year, as of December 12th.  I’m ridiculously attracted to him. He still gives me butterflies, just as he did from day one. We are still a bit guarded with each other sometimes, but he opened up some tonight.

He’s off his pedestal, but I still want him. No man in my entire life has kept me interested without for a year. The closest was , with eight months… and I thought and I moved painfully slow. Haha, if I only knew then… Well, come to think of it, I’m glad I didn’t know what was going on because I really loved with as much as my heart as I could and had I known the truth from the start, I would not have experienced that with him. Not excusing him, but I know things would have been very different and I don’t want that. He’s turned into a jerk, either that or my blinders are off and I have the benefit of hindsight. Can’t change the past but I can prevent it from repeating.

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Fed up

Time for Some Major Changes

5 months ago
in

I’ve been fighting a depressive episode for a few months. I’ve been able to keep it at bay for the most part, until today. Today it is totally kicking my ass. I feel like the sky is falling and I’m helpless to stop it. A part of me would nothing more than just the sweet peace of oblivion, but the wiser part of myself knows that is the and if I can keep myself safe long enough the feeling will pass. PMS isn’t helping the matter any either. One minute I’m crying, overwhelmed, wanting to die, the next I’m ready to fight and find some solutions to everything that is threatening my autonomy and quality of life.

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16

Bipolar TV Characters

5 months ago
in

I was watching the 11th episode of “Homeland,” one of my favorite shows earlier, and it was confirmed that the main character is bipolar. She was shown in the depths of a episode. Her mentor witnessed her episode and blamed himself for her illness. He had apologized to her for failing her and blamed himself. When she started coming down she told him, “I’ve had this since college. You didn’t do anything, I just came this way.” That just hit so close to home. Partly because I’m bipolar and partly because I’ve cared for other people who are bipolar. Unassigning blame lightens the burden of this illness and makes it more bearable.

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what

Making Meth in Walmart

5 months ago
in ,

I heard about a woman getting busted for mixing up ingredients today in a Wal-mart a few miles from my home. The story irritated me. The reporter was so high and mighty while reporting the details. And the one witness she interviewed made harsh judgments about the woman, saying things like, “If you’re broke get a job…” Blah, blah, blah. Um, has she noticed the job market lately? How is a minimum wage job going to support a ?

I’m not condoning her behavior, by any means, and she should be held accountable. However, I understand why some people may do things like this. Cooking meth does not automatically make someone a horrible person or just another tweeker. It makes them desperate; desperate for , a high, or power, etc. Oftentimes, especially with the economy in the toilet, the and charity doesn’t come through. There are people out there, down on their luck, no job, no money, with to feed and bills to cover.

Common Scenario: Unemployment runs out or was denied, car breaks down, you can’t find a job, you can’t get a loan, no savings left, and there is no one to help you get back on your feet. There are just hungry kids who you would do anything for because you them with your entire being. You need money fast, you got a lawyer to pay, a final cut off notice for electric, eviction notice, and Christmas to pay for, among other things. The food stamps ran out and there is another week and a half until you get more. A deadbeat dad that doesn’t help support your kids. You can’t stand the thought of your children in a shelter, group home, or foster home. You can sell your body or you can get into the drug business… What do you do?

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