Family & Friends

Girls Night Out – the Gay Bar

2 years ago
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Last night when I got home from , we had company. , Tim1, and Chris2 was partying with . Chris and were pretty damn already, and Tori was getting there. They were getting ready to go out to a nearby gay bar that has male dancers. They’ve gone there several times, but I’ve never been there. I was tired after work and didn’t plan to go with them, however, Tori enticed me into going. I hadn’t been out in a couple months, so I figured what the hell.

I didn’t have time to take a shower, but I assumed I wouldn’t end up bringing a man home with me since it was a gay bar, so it would be okay. Chris was so drunk he threw up a couple times before we left. After he was finished, we all loaded up in Tim’s car and headed to the bar. Once we arrived, Tori, Dudney, and I went in immediately, but Tim and Chris stayed outside talking.

Later, we found out Chris was flipping out because he had been making out with Dudney earlier, until he found out Dudney is a man. Right before we went in Tim gave Dudney to buy us a few rounds of drinks. As soon as we walked in it was apparent it was a gay bar, there were at least five hot guys running around in sexy underwear. One was dancing on the pole, another one was carrying the Jell-o shot tray, and the others were working the crowd.

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  1. our gay friend [↩]
  2. Tim’s straight step-brother [↩]

Less Stress, More Peace

2 years ago
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The past week and a half has been eventful, luckily most of it was neutral or positive. I used to underestimate the worth of peace in my life. I thrived on and chaos; it could make me feel alive like little else could. These days I appreciate peace; having it improves my quality of life, which in turn helps me from falling into an episode.

Things that have happened this month, in no particular order:

I returned to after being out sick for three weeks

I started again

I spent time with my grandparents, nieces, nephews, and other members

I got to see and talk to my brother

My mother moved out

I got a new supervisor

The anniversary of my sister’s and birth

I made peace with the that haunted me most and I honored my lost child

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Counseling: Session 2

2 years ago
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I had another counseling appointment today. It was a continuation of the intake session. They ask a shit-ton of questions to help them gauge where you’re at, what significant traumatic/dramatic experiences you’ve endured, and the areas you need help with to become “emotionally healthy”. Typically, intake is completed during one one-hour session; however, I’m not your average “victim”1 and briefly touching on the worst events in my past took the entire session last week.

This week she asked me questions about the household dynamic during my childhood and adolescence, drug history, my current support system; how I feel about my mother, etc. We covered a lot. She said I’m under way too much and if I don’t find a way to cut it down then I will soon find myself in another episode, which I already know.

She gave me two assignments this week, the first is to find something to do just for myself, that gets me away from and home and let’s me be free. She suggested grabbing my mp3 player and going for a walk. I wouldn’t really feel comfortable walking around my neighborhood, so I’ll probably leave early for a few days a week and hit the trail near my job or go walk the track at my old high school. I’ll give it a shot. If nothing else it will be time away from my mom, which I seriously need.

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  1. God, I hate that term [↩]

Shawna's House of Cards Will Fall

2 years ago
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I thought I’d never see the day that I regretted my friendship with . Well, obviously, that day did come. I wish I didn’t get sucked back in the last time we had a falling out. I would definitely do things differently if I could.

Truth be told, there was always a part of me that didn’t like who she was. I saw her manipulate man after man to get what she wanted. I was a little envious of how she would get them to do her bidding, but mostly, I was disgusted by her behavior.

I knew the things she did was wrong, but I never made a move to intervene because she was my friend and true protect each other and they never stab each other in the back. I overlooked the wrongs she committed against me in the past because she was my friend and I loved her, flaws and all. I was naïve enough to believe she felt the same about me. Now I realize I was terribly wrong. I was just another expendable sucker to her and she turned on me for not standing idly by while she trapped my brother.

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Shawna the Abominable Cunt and the Protective Order

2 years ago
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didn’t have the nerve to go to the final protective order hearing on the 15th. I thought I would automatically win if she didn’t go, but that wasn’t the case. There was still a hearing; the only difference is she wasn’t there to lie about what had been going on. I didn’t bring my witnesses because I had heard Shawna didn’t plan to appear and I figured if there was still a hearing I had sufficient evidence to prove my case.

I showed the judge the comments that she made pretending to be other people – the ones I prevented from being posted on my blog as well as the ones that I did allow to be posted. I also showed him my cell phone records, a copy of the police report and the entire 25 page transcript of the text messages from September 29th. He looked at the comments and the first 2 pages of my phone records then he granted the final protective order for the full three years. He didn’t even have to look through the rest of my evidence to find that she was guilty of harassing and (cyber) stalking me.

I had talked to the night before the hearing and she told me that when she got home last Sunday night and Shawna were there. She said talked to her a little, but Shawna wouldn’t even look at her. She thought that was funny. Tori was unsure how long they were there before she got home, but she said they left shortly after she got there. I was curious how much bullshit Shawna tried to stir up before Tori got home.

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