Today, I just kicked back and relaxed with Jacob and Salem1. We re-arranged some furniture, watched movies, and played video games. Then for dinner I cooked us breakfast foods. Jacob loved it. We had a good time. He’s my oldest nephew and we’ll always have a close connection. He also knows he can always come to me and I will do whatever I can for him. Since I haven’t had my own children yet, I dote on my nieces and nephews like crazy. They have me wrapped around their fingers and they know it too.
Today was also Jess and Granny’s birthday. I didn’t go to see them because that’s what the dinner yesterday was for and money is still tight so I couldn’t go out with Jess and everybody. I’ll be caught up soon and then I’ll get to do more with my family. I love them all so much and I don’t want them to ever doubt it.
The only reason I really wrote this is because I’m trying to stick with my write for at least 10 minutes a day resolution.
- my new black cat [↩]
After crying my eyes out for about 4 hours this morning, I was exhausted and fell asleep. I had a very disturbing dream.
I dreamt about being at my brother’s funeral (he is very much alive), which then turned to my sister’s funeral (she died several years ago). Her funeral was very detailed and much better than her real funeral. There were yearbooks and other things about her life there. Then the dream turned to a confrontation with an employee there about a disgusting and filthy public restroom that was drenched in urine. The employee disparaged my deceased siblings. I reported the situation to a supervisor who consequently fired the employee, which led to another confrontation. Next thing I remember was me running home to be with my baby (I’ve had miscarriages, but never given birth). I was being chased by an angry child.
I just finished watching “The Stoning of Soraya M.” and it is one of the most tragic and powerful films I have ever seen. It made me cry unlike any movie before. I cried from around the middle until well after the end, not just a few tears here and there either.
I felt the pain of Soraya, her daughters, and her aunt deep within me. It is not a feel good movie by any means. In fact, I felt heartbroken and disgusted afterwards, but I also felt gratitude.
The only other film that elicited a similar emotional response from me was “Passion of the Christ”, which coincidentally, also starred James Caviezel. Caviezel portrayed the French-Iranian journalist, Freidoune Sahebjam, who documented Soraya’s story in his 1990 book “La Femme Lapidée”.
An internet search on Soraya M. or Soraya Manutchehri will tell her story, but I highly recommend seeing the film yourself. It wasn’t a huge blockbuster hit, but it is a great film.
The last few days I have an intense desire to be more creative. Some of my ideas are to write stories again, build more websites1, create more t-shirt designs, and re-explore photography and abstract painting. I want to try some new things as well like making candles or sculpting.
I tend to start a lot of projects and then give up on them because I get bored, overwhelmed, or hit some other roadblock; after which, I add them to my “finish later” list and move on to something else. The two things that I often come back to are writing and web design. They both come very natural to me and I enjoy them. However, I want to create something without words that speaks to people on a different level. I want to make something beautiful.
- after I get my current ones moved to a new host [↩]
I know this was written over a month ago, but I just stumbled upon it earlier. I found it to be a very touching article. I hope we live to see this dream come true.
In celebration of Martin Luther King, Jr.:
I have a dream that one day I won’t hold my breath every time I tell a person that I suffer from bipolar disorder, that I won’t feel shameful in confessing my mental illness.
I have a dream that people won’t feel the need to applaud me for my courage on writing and speaking publicly about my disease, because the diagnosis of depression and bipolar disorder would be understood no differently than that of diabetes, arthritis, or dementia.
I have a dream that the research into genetics of mood disorders will continue to pinpoint specific genes that may predispose individuals and families to depression and bipolar disorder (like the gene G72/G30, located on chromosome 13q), just as specific genes associated with schizophrenia and obsessive-compulsive disorder have been located and identified.