Flashbacks

My Ex-Stepfather (the Monster)

8 years ago
in

began molesting me when I was 6 years old & mom was pregnant with . After was born, he began beating me & mom & continued the molesting. I told my mom 3 years later, while she was pregnant with . They were fighting & she had kicked him out. I foolishly thought I could finally let her in on the secret that had been eating away at me. She ranted & raved & swore he would pay, but less than a week later she let him come back & I was thought of as the liar. To this day she doesn’t acknowledge what Larry did to me & continued to do until she finally left him- 5 days after my 12th birthday. That is one of the fundamental issues in our relationship. I still hold a lot of resentment towards her. If she would just admit it, then maybe I could forgive her…
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My Father

8 years ago
in

I talked to my mom Saturday & she said there was a number on her caller id from my (paternal) grandma. I told her I didn’t care & I didn’t want the phone number. Well I talked to her again on Sunday & she said they called again & she answered it out of curiosity. She said it wasn’t Eulah, it was my dad.

My dad! Ha! He doesn’t know the meaning of the word. He was never my dad. He only came around when he wanted something. He never wanted me or gave 2 shits about what happened to me. He is nothing more than the sperm donor to me. That’s the way I have thought of him for well over 10 years. Why the hell is he trying to come back around now? He must have some ulterior motives.

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The Winds of Change

9 years ago
in , , , ,

It amazes me how quickly things can change. There have been several changes in my life.

First of all, I don’t see anymore and I haven’t in over eight months. I had a January 20th of this year. It was his child. I had left messages with his mother that I was pregnant and he never called. Then when I was at the hospital, after the , I had Jessica and Carah call her and tell her what was going on. Apparently, she didn’t care. She probably thought I was lying about the whole thing anyway. All I can say is good riddance to her and her son. Fuck them both!

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Rape: One Survivor’s Story of Shame

11 years ago
in ,

Data from the National Women’s study show that approximately 683,000 women are forcibly raped each year and that up to 90% of those raped do not report the offense to police. In a national survey of college students 27.7% of the women said that they had an experience that met the legal definition of or attempted . In the same survey, 7.7% of the men reported behavior, which met the legal definition of .

What is rape?
The legal definition of rape varies from state to state and nation to nation. Chances are that you know someone who has been raped or perhaps you yourself have been raped.

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Meant for Each Other?

11 years ago
in , , , ,

and I had the ideal relationship: we rarely fought, we treated each other with respect, we had together, we loved each other, and we trusted each other completely. At one point, we had our entire wedding and our future planned. Now there are no plans, there is only an uncertain future. No relationship carries a lifetime guarantee. I made him my world and he left me all alone to pick up the pieces of my broken heart.

At first, I was not sure if I would survive. I was well beyond devastated. I did not want to go on living without him. After a lot of crying and praying, I concluded that everything happens for a reason. I have realized that pinning my hopes and dreams on another person, especially a man, keeps me dependent. According to Patricia O’Brien, “It isn’t sufficient to seek wholeness through men, it never was and it never will be for any woman, married or single.” Life is always presenting us with tragedies, and hopefully we learn from them. These challenges should not set us back, or stunt our personal growth. In fact, they should strengthen us. “We will never be given more than we can handle.” It was a long difficult journey to get where I am now, but I still have a long ways to go because I am not finished healing yet.

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