It’s been awhile since I checked in with my personal blog because I’ve been devoted to creating and updating a webzine for bipolars. I don’t want my blog associated with it because I have learned (thanks to Shawna the Super Cunt) that people will use anything they can against you and your loved ones when they feel so inclined and want to hurt you. I didn’t want all the drama to carry over to my webzine so I have been stealth around here. I also did not want the two associated because I have been painfully honest about people and events in my life and I want to keep it secret to an extent.
I have missed the catharsis usually accomplished by pouring out my feelings and getting shit out in the open through my writing. I struggled with the decision whether to make “Reflections of a Crazy Life” a private or subscription only blog to prevent it from causing more pain and turmoil in my real life. I chose against privatizing it because that would have violated my purpose for creating it in the first place. Besides, the worst has come to light and I’m still here to tell about it… “Sometimes you gotta say, ‘What the fuck!’”
Sorry about the downtime. I had a disagreement with JustHost so I switched hosts…. again. JustHost claims they have unlimited everything, but when you use more than 10% they suspend your account without any notice.
I’m still dealing with those assclowns so I can get the site back the way it was, but for now I at least was able to import all of my posts.
I’m really looking forward to blogging again. I’ve had a nagging desire to start again for at least a month or two, but I ignored the urge because I was so far behind and knew catching up was going to be a bitch and a half. However, I watched “Julie and Julia” yesterday and it left me with an overwhelming urge to return to blogging. Inspiration comes from the damnest places sometimes.
Some may wonder what has kept me away for so long… The short answer is I needed to deal with everything that was happening or happened and I needed time to mourn and heal in private. The wounds were too fresh and deep for me to put out there for public consumption. However, I wrote a little here and there, which I will probably post and backdate once I get caught up with all the pain-in-the-ass back-end work that needs to be done on the site. I have to get the other sites back online as well.
It’s been awhile since I’ve updated and I’m a bit overwhelmed by the amount of writing I have to catch up on, a lot of it includes things about Paul and our relationship, work, my recovery progress, analysis of 2009, and other significant recent events. However, I currently do not have time to get into the details because I have to pick Paul up from work in 30 minutes. I feel uncomfortable writing posts when he is around. I need to make time for myself soon.
I’ve been sick as hell the past month… sick enough to miss the past two weeks of work – I still don’t have doctor approval to go back yet, which I hope will change within a few days. I’ve been going stir crazy; even when you’re sick you can only sleep so much. The free time has lost its novelty for me.
I have felt like doing little more than lying in bed with the TV remote or the laptop. I can usually pass several hours with my computer, however, the almost constant body-wrenching coughs, pain, and other symptoms frequently interrupts the time and distracts me from doing anything remotely productive, and television bores me, except for a few select shows.
I’ve been reading a lot the past few days and it has been stirring the writer within me. My love for writing emerged when I was in second grade, and I began writing short stories. I still remember the title of my first one, “The Monster in the Commode.” It makes me shudder to think of it now, but I was very proud of it back then. Writing came naturally and it distracted me from the horrible things that were happening at home.