My Bio

My real name is Jennifer, but most people call me either Jen or Mercedes. I was born and raised in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where I still live. I’m a 28 yr old Taurus. I’m a BBW and proud of it - most of the time anyway…

Currently, I’m an Advanced Technical Support CSR at DirecTV. I my job and the customers (when they aren’t cussing me out). However, I’ve had issues with the judgmental, greedy, and uncaring management.

I’m a headstrong, opinionated, obstinate, open-minded, anti-dependent, hyper-sensitive woman who is honest to a fault. I have an Irish temper and Bipolar Disorder. Others have told me that I’m a powerful ally, but I can be a vexatious enemy. (I don’t get mad, I get even!) However, I’m usually nice until provoked, so as long as others don’t piss me off, hurt me, or fuck me over everything is peachy keen.

I’m spiritual person; I’m not religious. “A religious person is trying to avoid hell; a spiritual person has already been there.”. I’ve definitely been there. The closest “religion” to my belief is Wicca. I made the mistake of turning my back on my beliefs once and I will never do it again for anyone or anything.

If people can’t deal with it my beliefs, tough shit, it’s not my problem. Therefore, if you are a Christian fundamentalist I would appreciate it if you refrain from trying to convert me. I’ll respect your choice of religion if you respect mine.

I have Bipolar Disorder (obviously). I was hospitalized for self-injury on New Years Day 2007 and then hospitalized again in later that month for suicidal ideations and of bipolar symptoms. My two-week stint at the “hospital” marked the beginning of my journey to recovery. It’s a lengthy process and it’s definitely a challenge. I find it very therapeutic to write, which is one reason I started this blog.

Another reason I am making my innermost thoughts, secrets, and experiences public is because I’ve been locked up in myself for a long time and I don’t really know how to confide in people, especially ones that I care about. I rarely opened up because I was afraid of judgment, rejection, and ridicule. Shutting people out and pushing them away quickly became second nature to me; to the point, I didn’t even realize what I was doing – until it was too late.

I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason; that’s the only way I’ve been able to make any sense whatsoever of my life. I haven’t figured out the reasons for each traumatic or otherwise hurtful experience I’ve survived, but overall, I think some good can come out them. Eventually, I want to help others like me once my meds are lined out and I’m stable. I think I could make a difference in some lives by being a mental health counselor.

My ultimate goal is to manage my BD symptoms and learn to live a happy, healthy, stable life.

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