Diagnoses

In late December 2005, my doctor diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder type 1 – it was after a suicide attempt that my sister interrupted.

‘Bipolar disorder type one’ means that I have full-blown manic and major depressive . There are three types of cyclers: average, rapid and ultra-rapid. Average cyclers have one or two a year. Rapid cyclers have at least four a year. I’m an ultra-rapid cycler, which means I have several and they change often. My moods can shift several times a day, but my intense last between a few weeks and several months.

I have also been diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Panic Disorder.

Whew! That’s a mouthful!

I refused to admit I had for a long time, partly because the surrounding mental illnesses. I was deeply ashamed that I couldn’t “fix it” on my own. I had hoped like hell that it would skip me, but since both of my parents are bipolar there was like a 75%-ish chance I would have it; damn the luck!

Anyway, I’m no longer in denial. I admitted I have some problems that I couldn’t handle alone anymore. While I was getting stitches for some self-inflicted wounds, a psych nurse in the E.R. made me think about what I was doing and where my chosen path was leading. I knew if I didn’t get help I would be dead before the end of 2007.

To keep from having a ‘nervous breakdown’ I checked myself into a behavioral center in January ’07. I had gotten to the point where I was seriously injuring myself physically and engaging in very risky behavior – hoping to die.

I still have depressive episodes, but I haven’t made any suicide attempts since shortly before my hospitalization at . I’ve been making a lot of progress and each day I become healthier and more stable. There are setbacks now and then, but I’m learning better ways to cope with them instead of or . After going almost two and a half years without self-injuring I relapsed April 29, 2010. It was a very disappointing , but it deepened my desire to stop hurting myself.


Go to Top