Overall, I would call 2011 a bad year, but it had its moments:

Best Moments

  1. My beautiful nephew, Logan, was born.
  2. My sister married a good man who truly loves her.
  3. I didn’t have any .
  4. I stopped basing my relationships on and I let myself truly get emotionally involved with a man for the first time since .
  5. My heart didn’t get broken.

Worst Moments

  1. Uncle Butch, Bill, Aunt Nita, and Adrian died… all within two months of each other.
  2. My mother was committed to TCBH again.
  3. I realized my relationship with my brother is irredeemable.
  4. I had some major financial difficulties due to taking on too much responsibility where my was concerned.
  5. I was diagnosed with a couple of disorders that were the likely cause of my miscarriages.

However, four of the five worst moments turned out for the best.

  • TCBH was able to get my mother semi-stabilized and she is making progress. We are rebuilding our relationship.
  • I my brother and nothing will ever change that, but a relationship with him is negative for me. He lies to and steals from his family and he chose a manipulative, selfish, conniving liar as his wife. He chose her over his own blood and then tried to blame it on me. It’s kind of ironic really; he chose to believe a pathological liar over his own sister, who has never lied to him. He also conveniently forgot that I was the only person in his family who supported their relationship at all, until I couldn’t deny the truth about her pregnancy and motives any longer. Nevertheless, it worked out; I am a gazillion times better off without him and in my life.
  • I gave up the apartment I had with because I couldn’t bear the financial burden of five other people. I made it almost nine months and then I realized I couldn’t keep putting everyone else’s needs above my own. Sugarbear validated my and that was the final push I needed to make the decision to get my own apartment again… Just me. I need to recharge and relax. The was unmanageable.
  • Getting tested for the cause of my recurrent miscarriages was difficult. I was terrified because I thought I would hear something like, “You cannot have children. There is no hope.” Instead, I was told it was risky, but very possible for me to carry a baby to term under certain guidelines. It hurt to think about my lost babies and what could have been, but once I faced that and got an answer, it helped; my was assuaged. I learned that I was not to blame for the miscarriages.

The only bad things that happened this year that I cannot put a positive spin on are the deaths of four of my loved ones. I mourned all the loved ones I lost this year, but the one that grieved me most was Adrian. I still grieve for him. Without him, I feel an emptiness that no one or nothing can fill, but each day it hurts a little less. I’ll never forget the kindness and love he showed me. He was my protector, my rescuer, and my hero.

2011 ended wonderfully. I got an apartment alone and started focusing on myself and what I want instead of putting everyone else first. 2012 will be a great year!

On this day..