Archive for February, 2011

Weird Dream

11 months ago
in

After crying my eyes out for about 4 hours this morning, I was exhausted and fell asleep. I had a very disturbing dream.

I dreamt about being at my brother’s funeral (he is very much alive), which then turned to my sister’s funeral (she died several years ago). Her funeral was very detailed and much better than her real funeral. There were yearbooks and other things about her life there. Then the dream turned to a confrontation with an employee there about a disgusting and filthy public restroom that was drenched in urine. The employee disparaged my deceased siblings. I reported the situation to a supervisor who consequently fired the employee, which led to another confrontation. Next thing I remember was me running home to be with my baby (I’ve had miscarriages, but never given birth). I was being chased by an angry child.

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Remembering My Lost Babies

11 months ago
in ,

I’m not good with emotions, especially grief, so I usually just bottle them up. However, grief consumed me after losing my twins. They have been gone a year now and I’m reliving the heart-wrenching pain today.  I couldn’t sleep last night and I’ve cried all morning. I am alone and able to grieve without the pity of others around me. I found a poem that brought the pain closer to the surface, but it also gave me some peace. Healing is hard, and the sorrow is overwhelming, but I will get through it.

Untitled

I thought of you and closed my eyes,

And prayed to God today.

I asked what makes a Mother,

And I know I heard him say:

A mother has a baby,

This we know is true.

But, God, can you be a mother,

When your baby’s not with you?

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