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Feb
27
Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-27
Filed Under Misc | Leave a Comment
- enjoying a paid day off
#
Feb
20
Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-20
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- getting ready to go back to the dr… I hope this is the last visit about the miscarriage #
Feb
18
I Think I Can…
Filed Under Events, Family & Friends, Guys, My Episodes, Relationships, Thoughts | Leave a Comment
The twists and turns life can throw still astonish me. For awhile there I was certain that I’d been through as much hell as possible without dying and it was finally my time to enjoy more than fleeting happiness, I was foolhardy and impulsive.
Paul is a short man, but his charisma is impetuous. Napoleon comes to mind for some damn reason, probably because I’m toking, listening to my breakup playlist and having dozens of thoughts sweep through my mind every millisecond.
When I’m happy, I’m extremely happy, but it’s a very short-lived burst. Then something else tragic or devastating happens and poof, everything disintegrates so quickly I am left wondering if it was all just a dream.
I got swept up in my relationship with Paul. I was considering having his baby within six weeks of meeting him; little did I know I was already carrying his babies1 Surely, I should’ve known it was possible. After all we were fucking like rabbits and never used protection. I was living second to second without considering consequences.
- When I went to the doctor the 11th, the doctor told me he thought I had been carrying twins because the amount of pain, blood loss, and weight loss. [↩]
Feb
13
Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-13
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- trying to numb the pain #
- home from work, the distraction helped, but now I have to face all the pain again… gonna work 2.5 extra hours tomorrow so I can stay busy #
- headed to the dr, hoping I don't have to have a D & C #
Feb
11
Going Back to the Doctor Today
Filed Under Events, Family & Friends, Guys, Relationships, Thoughts | Leave a Comment
I am feeling somewhat better. I haven’t cried since yesterday. The past couple of days I worked 11 hours shifts because the distraction really helps. If I’m at work then I’m busy and unable to think about losing my baby and Paul within a day of each other.
There have been so many people here for me through this heart wrenching time and I’m more grateful that I can even express. If it wasn’t for my friends and family and Paul’s family I don’t think I would have pulled through, at the very least I would have relapsed and self-injured, at worst I would have killed myself. I’m far from healed or over losing the baby, but at least I’m not bursting into tears every few minutes anymore.
