My horoscope1 for today blew my mind. It said, “You definitely weren’t expecting to fall in now — and definitely not this fast. If you have misgivings, do not — repeat, do not — ignore that little voice in the back of your head.”

My relationship with is moving full steam ahead; at light speed, actually. I’m not complaining. I’m just in awe once again about how quickly life can change. One seemingly insignificant choice and the whole rest of your life can be forever changed. I’m not certain what the long-term outcome of our relationship will be, but I do know that the short-term effects so far have been drastic, but in a good way.

I like him a lot. I feel giddiness bubbling within me at the mere thought of him. However, due to my history, I also feel apprehensive. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and completely him, in fact, my heart is demanding it, but I’m not a naïve schoolgirl anymore. I’m trying to keep a tight leash on my heart, but it is a challenge. Every minute that Paul and I spend together weakens my defenses more and more. Hell, at this rate we may be co-habitating and pregnant within a couple of months.

I know that isn’t wise and it could be a huge mistake, but at the same time I’m willing to risk it. I haven’t fully put my heart at risk since I fell for , which was eight years ago. I was halfway there with about six months ago, but the timing was off and his life was far too complicated.

For once I feel like I can actually depend on a man other than my grandpa. Paul doesn’t bullshit me. He hates lies as much as I do, and he tends to say exactly what he thinks, which is a major plus in my book. He adores me and treats me very well. He’d spoil me if I would allow it.

He has bad shit in his past too, but he has moved on. I don’t like his chosen profession, but I’m not going to judge him for it. He supports himself and has already made it clear he would support me if I want him to. I have no intention of accepting that offer, however, I value my independence too much and my career is going exceedingly well right now. It’s just nice to know that I can count on him if I need to do so.

This morning, when I kissed him goodbye before I left for he accidentally let the L-bomb drop. I stammered a bit from shock, and then I told him I’ll miss him then I quickly left. I know love can happen quickly. I fell in love with within three weeks and with Erick within four weeks, but I’ve only been seeing Paul for a week and a half. I’m not in love with him yet, but I’m getting there.

I may get hurt, but I don’t think Paul can hurt me anywhere near as badly as Raymond and Erick did. I’m going to throw caution to the wind, jump, and see where things go. What have I got to lose?

On this day..


  1. based on my birth chart [↩]