'we all go a little mad sometimes'
Archive for December, 2009
Counseling: Session 4
I had another counseling session yesterday. There was a lot to catch Jan up on. I told her about mom moving out, my promotion, and Paul. We also briefly talked about Tarica and Tara. The majority of the session was spent discussing Paul and our whirlwind romance.
There was a red flag1 for her, which is the same one I seen, but she also gave him kudos about something. She wanted to know if he knows anything about the sexual abuse in my past. I told her he knew about one part; my ex-stepdad.
A few nights ago, Tori, Paul and I were hanging out and somehow we all got on the topic of oral sex. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation Paul said something about how he could tell I didn’t enjoy giving head, but we can work on that. After his comment, I laughed and said, “Good luck with that. I hate going down on men, with good reason. Normally, I will only give head when a: I’m shitfaced, b: I really really like the guy, or c: both a and b.” I could tell he wanted to ask why, but he waited until we were alone later.
We had been kissing and caressing each other, and then he pulled his lips from mine and asked, “Why don’t you like giving head?” I had known he would ask me about it, but I didn’t expect it to be during foreplay. I looked at him and told him that now wasn’t the best time to talk about it because I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.
- the fact that we’ve known each other for less than two weeks and he’s already asking me to have his child [↩]
An Unexpected Romance
2 years ago
An unexpected and unlikely romance has blossomed with Paul, the dancer I met at the gay bar last weekend. When I dropped him off Sunday morning before work I told him I’d get his number from Dudney, but I didn’t. I enjoyed being with him, but due to his profession I expected him to be a one-night stand.
Monday, I picked up my mom so I could take her to pay the interest on my stuff that she pawned because I didn’t want it getting lost. We stopped at Quiktrip and I ran into Paul there. He waited for me outside the store and then walked me to my car. He was bitching about me not calling him and he asked for my phone number. I gave it to him and he immediately called me. I told him I had stuff I had to do, so he hugged and kissed me, and then I left.
The pawn shop was less than a mile away. We went in and a few minutes later he walked in. He said he was at the store next door and seen my car. He gave me another hug, and asked what my plans were later. I told him I had some errands and stuff and he told me to call him when I was available.
After I finished everything, I went over to Tori’s and spent time with her and the kids. He called me a few times while I was there, but I didn’t hear my phone. Shortly after I noticed the missed calls, he sent me a text message asking me to call him.
I miss mania and hypomania […]
