Next Stop… the Long Haul

Yesterday was a very lazy day for Paul and me. After our tiff Saturday, Paul and I agreed that Monday would be a no-appointment day, so we were both off work. We spent the most of the day in my bedroom with a locked door. We had our phones on silent and just spent time together. It was nice to have to day to ourselves, despite it aggravating others.

We vegged out and watched movies, played videos games, toked, and talked. We did a lot of heavy petting as well. About 3am, he fell asleep. I was awake and sexually frustrated.

I was listening to Lithium on Sirius XM and “Alive” by P.O.D came on. It was one of me and Erick’s songs. We’ve had a similar insomniac schedule for as long as we’ve known each other so I decided to text him.

He was awake and we started talking immediately. He already knew about Paul and was asking about how it is progressing. I was hormonal and sexually frustrated which compounded my confusion about my feelings. I confided a lot in Erick and thinking about it now, it probably wasn’t the right thing to do, but I needed someone to talk to and he was there.

After we had been texting for about an hour I decided I needed to get away from Paul to clear my head. I got dressed and went to the store. Erick gave me some good advice which boiled down to the need for me to communicate my feelings to Paul.

Erick also thinks things are moving way too fast and he knows that I tend to put other people’s feelings above my own. He’s right, but I am getting comfortable with the direction Paul and I are heading. The time alone did help me put things in perspective.

I wasn’t comfortable with the housecall element of his job, or the attitudes I catch from people when they find out we are together. The housecalls sparked my jealousy but both factors fanned my insecurity. After I discussed it with Paul those things became dead issues. He helped me understand that his job is just business and is completely separate from feelings and our relationship and that the people that have been hating on us are jealous of our connection. He made it abundantly clear he only wants to be with me and no one else’s opinion about us as a couple matter.

A few days during the past week I was ready to run, but now I’m ready for the long haul. I am well aware of the speed things have progressed with our relationship, however, it feels right. He has already proven his feelings for me are real and mine get deeper with each passing day.