Archive for December, 2009
Yesterday was a very lazy day for Paul and me. After our tiff Saturday, Paul and I agreed that Monday would be a no-appointment day, so we were both off work. We spent the most of the day in my bedroom with a locked door. We had our phones on silent and just spent time together. It was nice to have to day to ourselves, despite it aggravating others.
We vegged out and watched movies, played videos games, toked, and talked. We did a lot of heavy petting as well. About 3am, he fell asleep. I was awake and sexually frustrated.
I was listening to Lithium on Sirius XM and “Alive” by P.O.D came on. It was one of me and Erick’s songs. We’ve had a similar insomniac schedule for as long as we’ve known each other so I decided to text him. (more…)
Paul and I had a rude awakening yesterday morning. My grandpa walked into my room without knocking and turned on the overhead light. Paul and I was sound asleep and naked. Apparently, I was asleep on my back and the blanket wasn’t covering my breasts.
I instantly woke up when the light came on and I turned onto my belly as quickly as I could. I’m not sure Pawpa saw anything or not and I’m sure not gonna ask him. He should’ve known better than to just barge into my room like that anyway. After Pawpa left, Paul’s aunt barged in and then my mom. We were starting to get very pissed off about it, so we locked my bedroom door and went back to sleep.
A couple hours later I had to get up for work. I knew I’d only be working half a day because Paul talked me into going to his family’s Christmas dinner with him. They planned to have it the 13th because many of them are going to be out of town for Christmas.
I was nervous about going and I had been worrying about it for a few days. I was afraid they would all hate me or vice versa, but it was important to him that I be there, so I sucked it up and went.
Friday night, Tori, James, Taylor and Jacob spent the night. I took off work Saturday to deal with the busted pipe mess. Paul called around noon and wanted to see me. He wasn’t mad, but he did give me hell about not taking his phone charger back up to the bar for him.
His step-aunt, Stacey, was with him when I picked him up from Preston’s house. Apparently, she had a blowout with her man and she needed a place to crash for a few days. I didn’t really want to take in another stray, but I wanted to help her for Paul.
She and Taylor went with me to take him to a private job. I don’t know exactly what goes on during those housecalls and I really don’t want to, but my imagination was running on overdrive and I copped an attitude with him when he got back. My feelings were amplified by hormones because I started my period the day before.
It was obvious I was upset and he wanted to know what was wrong. The core issue was I hate the housecall part of his job, but I didn’t express that immediately. I tried to be nice about it because I didn’t want to start a fight, but he kept pushing the issue, he wanted to know why exactly I was upset and what he could do to fix it. He kept talking about communication and how key it is to a successful relationship.
Thursday night Paul had a private show after work and I assumed he would go to his house afterwards so I invited Tori over to spend the night. Tori and I chilled and caught up a bit since we haven’t had much if any alone time lately. We fell asleep shortly before 3am. Paul woke me up a little after 5:30am.
I wasn’t expecting him to come over and I don’t like being woken up when I’m finally sleeping, but I wasn’t mad. In fact, I was glad he came over, even if he was a little drunk – a side effect of working at a bar. We talked quite a bit and he told me more about his past. He also told me he loves me, again. After he said it, he said he probably said more than he should, but it is how he feels.
I admire his honesty and ability to express his feelings, but I am a commitment/intimacy-phobe and it spooked me. I care about him, but I don’t love him yet and I wasn’t going to lie to him and say that I do. Instead, I hugged and kissed him and told him that I like him a lot. I know it isn’t what he wanted to hear, but when I say those important words, I want to mean them. Tori slept through it all.
My horoscope1 for today blew my mind. It said, “You definitely weren’t expecting to fall in love now — and definitely not this fast. If you have misgivings, do not — repeat, do not — ignore that little voice in the back of your head.”
My relationship with Paul is moving full steam ahead; at light speed, actually. I’m not complaining. I’m just in awe once again about how quickly life can change. One seemingly insignificant choice and the whole rest of your life can be forever changed. I’m not certain what the long-term outcome of our relationship will be, but I do know that the short-term effects so far have been drastic, but in a good way.
I like him a lot. I feel giddiness bubbling within me at the mere thought of him. However, due to my history, I also feel apprehensive. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and completely trust him, in fact, my heart is demanding it, but I’m not a naïve schoolgirl anymore. I’m trying to keep a tight leash on my heart, but it is a challenge. Every minute that Paul and I spend together weakens my defenses more and more. Hell, at this rate we may be co-habitating and pregnant within a couple of months.
- based on my birth chart [↩]