I had an intake appointment for my new counselor today. After the protective order was granted the court liaison for a local counseling firm offered me free counseling sessions. I’ve had a lot of and counseling over the years and I know how beneficial it can be for people that are open to it. After revived my -laden past of have re-emerged.

I’ve had a few panic attacks, and haven’t been sleeping much because nightmares and flashbacks. I’ve also gotten sick because all the weakened my immune system. It started out with the flu during the second week of October. It has since developed into pneumonia, a kidney infection, and a bladder infection.

I knew that if I didn’t get help I could easily find myself in the depths of again with self-injury not too far behind. I don’t want that to happen. I’ve worked too hard on my recovery to let all that hard be undone.

I’ve done things that I’m not proud of in my life, but I know I didn’t deserve all the horrible things that were inflicted on me, both by others and myself and I refuse to be thrown back to square one.

The intake counselor I spoke with is a Masters-level intern. She’s at the point where she usually handles her own cases, but by the end of our appointment she decided it would be best for me if I meet with both her and her supervisor for my counseling sessions. She also suggested I attend a group for women who endured long-term sexual abuse.

We just briefly touched on things today, but she already picked up on all the boiling within me, the fact that I tend to put others needs ahead of my own, and that I am a good candidate for their services.

I’m not looking forward to all the bad memories counseling brings to the surface, but I know that if I don’t address it now I could find myself back in the “hospital” or back on the path of self-destruction and neither of those possibilities are appealing. I’ll get through this and come out stronger for it.

On this day..