Archive for November, 2009
I had a follow-up appointment with my new doctor today. I went to see him the first time on November 18th because the E.R. doctors told me it was important to follow up with a primary care doctor within a few days. He confirmed their diagnosis of bronchitis and a broken rib. He said the bronchitis had been caused by the flu. He assumed it was H1N1 due to the severity of my symptoms. He gave me some strong cough suppressant pills that almost completely stopped the coughing so my rib could start to heal. He also gave me pain pills and a steroid inhaler to help with the coughing.
I like this doctor. He is thorough, takes his time, and pays attention to what I tell him. Today’s appointment was a follow-up on the bronchitis and also to get the results of the blood and urine tests. Most of the results were good. The UTI cleared up, my A1C (average blood glucose test for the past 2-3 months) was 6.9, which is the same as it was shortly after I was diagnosed with Diabetes in February, my good cholesterol was 202, my bad cholesterol was 120, but he said he thinks the reason it was so high was because my thyroid is too low, which increases the bad cholesterol. He said I have hypothyroidism and gave me a script for Levothyroxine to help stabilize it. Unfortunately, I will have to take it for the rest of the my life. My blood pressure has drastically improved since my mom moved out, but it’s still too high and he prescribed a pill for that too.
Last night when I got home from work, we had company. Tori, Tim1, and Chris2 was partying with Dudney. Chris and Dudney were pretty damn drunk already, and Tori was getting there. They were getting ready to go out to a nearby gay bar that has male dancers. They’ve gone there several times, but I’ve never been there. I was tired after work and didn’t plan to go with them, however, Tori enticed me into going. I hadn’t been out in a couple months, so I figured what the hell.
I didn’t have time to take a shower, but I assumed I wouldn’t end up bringing a man home with me since it was a gay bar, so it would be okay. Chris was so drunk he threw up a couple times before we left. After he was finished, we all loaded up in Tim’s car and headed to the bar. Once we arrived, Tori, Dudney, and I went in immediately, but Tim and Chris stayed outside talking.
Later, we found out Chris was flipping out because he had been making out with Dudney earlier, until he found out Dudney is a man. Right before we went in Tim gave Dudney money to buy us a few rounds of drinks. As soon as we walked in it was apparent it was a gay bar, there were at least five hot guys running around in sexy underwear. One was dancing on the pole, another one was carrying the Jell-o shot tray, and the others were working the crowd.
The past week and a half has been eventful, luckily most of it was neutral or positive. I used to underestimate the worth of peace in my life. I thrived on drama and chaos; it could make me feel alive like little else could. These days I appreciate peace; having it improves my quality of life, which in turn helps me from falling into an episode.
Things that have happened this month, in no particular order:
I returned to work after being out sick for three weeks
I started dating again
I spent time with my grandparents, nieces, nephews, and other family members
I got to see and talk to my brother
My mother moved out
I got a new supervisor
The anniversary of my sister’s death and birth
I made peace with the miscarriage that haunted me most and I honored my lost child
I had my third counseling session today. It was my first with the licensed therapist, I will call her Jan. The counselor in training, whom I will call Jane, didn’t join in for today’s session. Jan wanted a solo session with me to get a better grasp on my case. She had read the file Jane started, but had questions of her own.
She asked me what had originally brought me there, so I told her about Shawna and all the shit she stirred up and the PTSD. I just gave her a brief rundown of the facts and she said that Shawna seems like a devious bitch that fits a classic abuser profile, i.e: deceptive, manipulative, isolates him from his loved ones, jealous, possessive, controlling, etc. After the appointment, I was hanging out with Tori. She had counseling today too. She said that she told her counselor the whole story about Shawna and her counselor said Shawna is a cunt. I thought that was funny.
Jan asked me about my bipolar diagnosis and wanted to know some of my past symptoms. She said there is often a misdiagnosis of bipolar disorder when it is really PTSD. I told her about the family history of bipolar, some of the low and highlights of past episodes, and some of my behaviors. She didn’t make a conclusion one way or the other, or if she did, she didn’t inform me. It’d be nice to have my bipolar diagnosis wiped away, but I doubt that will happen. From all I know of bipolar disorder, I certainly meet the criteria, and the seven psychiatrists I can remember agreed with the diagnosis of bipolar 1 and PTSD.
I’ve been sick as hell the past month… sick enough to miss the past two weeks of work – I still don’t have doctor approval to go back yet, which I hope will change within a few days. I’ve been going stir crazy; even when you’re sick you can only sleep so much. The free time has lost its novelty for me.
I have felt like doing little more than lying in bed with the TV remote or the laptop. I can usually pass several hours with my computer, however, the almost constant body-wrenching coughs, pain, and other symptoms frequently interrupts the time and distracts me from doing anything remotely productive, and television bores me, except for a few select shows.
I’ve been reading a lot the past few days and it has been stirring the writer within me. My love for writing emerged when I was in second grade, and I began writing short stories. I still remember the title of my first one, “The Monster in the Commode.” It makes me shudder to think of it now, but I was very proud of it back then. Writing came naturally and it distracted me from the horrible things that were happening at home.