’s cousin, Adam, has a crush on me. I’ve let him and Adam hang out at my house several times the past couple months or so. Adam’s dad owns the machine shop I worked at last August. I met Adam prior to that when and I were .

I became somewhat close to Adam’s sister, Amanda, while I was working at the shop. She and Adam had constantly reassured me that they wouldn’t allow Nick to get me fired when the whole -Nick fiasco was going on last summer.

Nick has told me before that Adam usually likes skinny chicks, but he is attracted to me. I’m not usually one that seeks to convert men to wanting BBWs, unless I’m truly interested in someone that usually dates skinny or thin women.

From my experience, once a man is with a BBW he doesn’t revert back to his previous preferences. I’ve been told by men I “converted” that they like the attention BBWs give them, we typically appreciate them more than our skinny counterparts, we are great in bed, we aren’t superficial, we let them be themselves, and we tend to be better cooks.

Bigger women are a little more challenged when it comes to the acrobatic side of , but we more than make up for it with our , desire, willingness to experiment, and our ability to handle rough sex. Additionally, those of us that are comfortable with our bodies don’t obsess about how we look naked like many skinny women do and we like to have sex a lot more often.

As far as I know, Adam hasn’t ever been with a BBW. He’s been trying like hell to get me the last few times we’ve hung out. I let him spend the night last night. He slept in my bed, but I didn’t succumb to his many advances. We have a lot in common, he’s sweet, he makes me laugh, he’s good looking, and he is very open about wanting me, but I’m not interested in more than friendship with him right now. He’s also bipolar.

I’ve been focusing on my career, , and web-development pursuits lately. I don’t want the distraction of a serious or potentially serious relationship right now. Hell, I haven’t even been interested in with benefits or flings in several months. briefly sneaked past my barriers, but it didn’t pan out quite the way I hoped. I like the thrill of the chase; I get bored shortly after I attain my desire.

I still go out with a few times a month and I enjoy the time we spend together, but I don’t want a serious relationship with him either, at least right now. I’m not one of those women that need a man. I enjoy my freedom, solitude, and independence too much. The only female in my life that understands me in this aspect is . She shares a lot of my thoughts and on the subject. We don’t need a man to complete us.

My wild sex days have been few and far between (with the exception of Zane) the past year or so, since I stopped taking the Wellbutrin. It definitely compounded my already high sex drive. I grew tired of one-nighters, flings, and friends with benefits. They lost their appeal, probably because they turned into all or nothing situations. However, I’m still not very interested in a long-term committed relationship either. I’m open to that if the right man comes along, but it’s not something I want to start out with. I would prefer it to get to that level over time. Every relationship doesn’t have to be lifelong commitment.

I’m content with what I have with Greg. He doesn’t smother or judge me. He understands I need “me” time and he doesn’t take it personally. He doesn’t try to control me. He treats me with nothing but respect and he doesn’t expect sex every time we are together.

I’m not certain what Adam is looking for, but I doubt it’s what I’m willing to give right now.  Every time he learns something new about me, he tells me he loves me, he even proposed marriage a few times already. I doubt he was completely serious, but it was far too soon to even be joking about something like that. Then he kept trying to get me to have sex with him last night. I want something between the extremes, like what I have with Greg.

Hopefully Adam’s infatuation will pass soon. I don’t want it endangering my recently rebuilt friendship with Nick. Nick hasn’t flat out told me he doesn’t want me and Adam getting together, but he has made it very clear he doesn’t like the idea. I think the only reason he hasn’t voiced his opinion directly is because he knows me well enough to know that if I’m forbidden to do something I do it anyway to spite the forbidder. Additionally, after he pursued Tamara against my wishes he lost the right to chime in about my romantic endeavors.

I am somewhat enjoying the attention Adam is pouring on me, but the bottom line is I don’t want to pursue anything beyond friendship with him. However, that could change if he would ease up a bit. I prefer to be the aggressor. I think it’s cute that grown men still have crushes too.

On this day..