I have a tough exterior, but at heart I’m a sucker. I want to help people out as much as I can and I tend to empathize with them too much. Being that way has brought some satisfaction to my life, but it has gotten me screwed over quite a few times as well. Nevertheless, I am usually unable to say no, even when I know I should.

Case in point, my mother has done everything but shit on me and yet I still feel compelled to help her out. Until the past month, I had little to do with her since last year because she is so burdensome.

My grandpa kicked her out around the time my uncle reconciled with his girlfriend and moved out of my spare bedroom. She didn’t have anywhere to go and she asked me if she could stay at my house for awhile. I told her she could stay a few weeks despite the fact she had stolen my car the week before.

She lies to and steals from me to support which ever addiction (gambling, , men, etc) is controlling her at any given moment. She has proven she can’t be trusted and she has steadily become more and more irresponsible.

She’s my mom and I her, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. I hate admitting it, but I’m already sick of her. I’m her daughter, not her mother. I shouldn’t have to keep giving her a place to stay because she can’t stop blowing her on gambling and drugs long enough to get her shit together. I hate spending time with her because she never has anything to say outside of bitching about someone or mooning over a guy that treats her like shit.

I know some of the things she does is because of bipolar disorder, but that excuse will only fly so far. She doesn’t even try to make her life better. She just keeps fucking up and fucking off, expecting her to pick up her slack and take care of her. I completely understand how difficult bipolar disorder can make life, I’ve been fighting it for quite awhile myself (duh!). Yeah, there have been several times the past few years when I was fucking up hardcore, but I never let it get to the point where I was begging my to financially support me because the thought of dependence makes me cringe. I would rather be dead than have to depend on someone else. So I don’t understand how she can allow herself to be where she is.

I gave her the deadline of July 7th and the date is fast approaching. When I came home from working overtime tonight I noticed she cleaned the house tweeker-style. I’m not sure if she did it because she was tweeking or because she is trying to butter me up so she will feel less guilty about asking to stay longer.

I know it’s coming because she hasn’t saved up any money for an apartment or anything. I don’t want her here past the 7th and I know my roomie doesn’t either, but how I am I supposed to tell her no when I know no one else is going to take her in? I’m overwhelmed by just thinking about it.

On this day..