I’ve been working hard the past couple weeks building a new website. It’s called Bipolar Lifestyle and it started out as the main page of this domain, but it grew and developed its own purpose. It’s not completed yet but it’s getting there. Check it out!

Anyway, I’ve been digging deep into the depths of long forgotten files on my computer looking for content ideas, plugins, code, and such. I stumbled on files from my very first domain1 and I found something within the files called “The Rules of Jen.” It was compiled by Simon Lamont, who happens to be a big fan of females named Jen or derivatives thereof. He called the essence Jens have  “Jenitude.” He used to have a website devoted to finding “Sites of Resplendent Jenitude” and my old site used to be one of them. Way back then, I was and when he read the Rules of Jen he said, “Who the hell is Simon and how does he know you so well?!?”

I read this list again and got a good laugh, parts of it still ring true to me. I guess bipolar disorder hasn’t affected my “Jenitude”. The Rules of Jen follow:

A constantly evolving set of guidelines for dealing with resplendent Jenitude on a day-to-day basis. (The gaps in the numbering are intentional and represent rules that have yet to be written, not rules that have been omitted.)

#1 Jen is an exceptional person who is to be worshiped and adored at all times.

#2 Jen is always special.

#3 Jen is frequently up to something.

#4 Jen can usually get away with it.

#5 If your relationship with Jen fails, it’s YOUR fault.

#6 The Jennocious Tenet of Remote Control Ownership: If Jen wants to watch a particular movie or TV show, she will, even if it clashes with The Game. You may, however, purchase and fit new batteries in the remote.

#7 There is no rule 7.

#8 Jen isn’t easily fooled. She has Her own reasons for letting you think you’ve pulled one over on Her, which will only become clear when it is advantageous for Her to do so.

#9 The Srey Maxim: Jen does not like being kept waiting.

#10 If and when She so desires, Jen is to be cuddled and comforted without question or hesitation.

#11 Thou shalt not taunt Jen, lest ye be consigned to the fifth circle of hell -dating where the women are all named after department stores.

#12 Jen is ALWAYS right, ESPECIALLY when She isn’t.

#13 Jen does not procrastinate; She waits until the time is right.

#14 The Goldfinch Guideline: Dating Jen is a commitment to a lifetime spent worshiping the wonder that is Her, even if you never see Her again. (See also #5)

#15 Jen will cross the road when and where she wants, which may be before or after everyone else.

#16 The Jezzie Precept: For the duration of your relationship or acquaintance with Jen these rules (and any personal supplements or amendments) will render null and void any or all of your own rules, at her discretion.

#19 Jen can always read maps perfectly. You, however, can’t follow Her clear, precise directions, no matter how many milliseconds She gives you before screaming “Left! Left!” as you pass the turn.

#20 The last bit of candy, brownie, popcorn, pop, beer, slice of pizza, jager, breadstick or spoonful of ice cream belongs to Jen.

#21 Jen always looks beautiful.

#22 Whatever Jen has to say is worth listening to.

#23 The Powroz Principle: The subject changes when Jen says so.

#24 However Jen wants to pronounce or spell her name is the correct way.

#25 Jen is a tidy eater. That piece of food on the restaurant floor fell off your fork. If it’s something only Jen ordered, you must have picked at her plate while she wasn’t looking…

#26 (Corollary to #20 and #25) Jen does not like people picking at her plate while she isn’t looking.

#27 Jen should not be expected to on her birthday.

#28 The Stevens Sutra: (addendum to rule #27) Jen’s birthday is a holiday, and should be treated as such, even if it means taking the day off, calling in sick, or canceling other plans to be with her.

#31 Jen is exceedingly clever.

#31 Jen doesn’t like seeing two rules with the same number.

#32 Jen always has the last word.

#33 As soon as your relationship with Jen starts she has the right to borrow your clothes, especially comfy sweatshirts, sweaters and t-shirts, but (being kind and considerate) she’ll probably let you keep your fifteen-year-old “lucky” underpants all to yourself…

#35 Jen always does things her way. Don’t ask.

#36 Jen knows what information you need to know about Jen.

#37 (Addendum to #36) There is always more to Jen than she is letting on.

#38 Greg’s Theory of Jeneral Relativity: If you are behind Jen, you are walking too slowly; if you are in front of Jen you are walking too fast.

#39 If and when Jen makes an appearance, consider it a gift.

#40 Only Jen decides if the temperature is right for opening the window.

#41 Any poetry by Jen is good poetry.

#42 Sex with Jen is an amazing, sensual, adventure to be treasured for the rest of your life.

#43 Withhold Jen’s chocolate at your peril.

#44 Jen prefers running around barefooted.

#45 Jen is stubborn and determined. It is impossible to change her mind once it’s set, so don’t waste your time.

#50 Jen does not like having any sort of camera pointed at her without permission. Carefully consider rule #8 before attempting a rule #21 defense.

#51 (Corollary to #12 and #19) Jen always knows where she’s going, even if nobody else does.

#52 Jen always knows what she’s talking about, even if nobody else does.

#53 Jen does not like having to make .

#54 (Addendum to #53) Jen’s decisions (when made) and opinions are always valid. (See also Rule #12).

#55 Withhold Jen’s chocolate at your peril. (Yes, we know that’s the same as Rule #43, but it’s *VERY* important to remember this…)

#61 Jen is sometimes inclined to wisecracking or being a smartass. It’s cute.

  1. I cringe to think of that site now [↩]