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On the Romantic Front

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 21st, 2009 at 11:43 am

Topic: Guys, Relationships, Thoughts

I’ve still been dating Greg a few times a month, but not having sex with him. I’ve also started getting closer to a couple more guys I’ve met recently. One was through some friends and the other one works with me. Things are still on the flirting level with the two new guys. Greg and I are in the comfort zone, and I’m not quite sure where things stand with Zane.

Things with Zane have cooled off a bit. We haven’t seen each other or spoken much the past two weeks because we have completely opposite schedules now. He’s only off on Tuesdays and the rest of the week he works 7pm – 4am. I’m off Friday and Saturdays, but work 10:45am-7:30ish the rest of the week. When he’s off I’m at work or sleeping and when I’m off he’s at work or sleeping.

Zane also has a lot of challenges to deal with right now: this whole pre-divorce thing, trying to get back on his feet financially due to being out of work for almost three months, and a moderately severe depressive episode. Apparently, he’s bipolar type 2. He was diagnosed after we lost touch before, I just found out a few weeks ago.

There is great passion and chemistry with him, but I’m still trying to get used to stable moods and I’m afraid his depression is going to rub off on me. I know it’s not contagious per se; however, I’m sensitive to the moods of others. I think it would be in my best interest to pull back a bit and slow things down. At the rate we were going we’d have been cohabitating within a couple months or less.

I’m not in any hurry to relinquish my freedom and I don’t want him latching on to me out of co-dependent need. I want a healthy and stable relationship that isn’t dominated by my hormones. I have just found myself again and I don’t want to get lost in an unhealthy relationship yet again. That being said, I don’t think my relationship with Zane is unhealthy, but I believe it could have become that way if things stayed the way we were. We didn’t make the decision to take time away from each other, but I think it’s a good thing circumstances have caused us to ease up a bit.

I still don’t feel the pressure of my “biological clock” and I am still content with not being one-half of a couple. I still have my freedom and independence, which is important to me. I’m only thirty, there’s no need to rush into a serious relationship. I still have plenty of time for all of that. However, I have stopped just using men for sex which is an important step.

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Comments

4 Responses to “On the Romantic Front”

  1. Tallulah on Comment May 22nd, 2009 7:20 pm

    I’m 52 and have no children. Never wanted kids, this gene pool needs a good dose of chlorine. I struggled with my bipolar since High School. I graduated in the mid-70’s and my bipolar was not diagnosed until the early 1990’s. I knew I was a mess, knew that I could not raise a child and I also was smart enough to know that I didn’t want to pass my genes on to a child and have the fear of them getting bipolar disorder, not to mention the other crap that runs in my family tree.

    I see what my friends go through with their teens – one of my friends, her daughter just had a baby, she hid the pregnancy from her Mom until the very end. I am SO glad I don’t have to deal with that shit. I think it would have made me crazier than I already am.

    I only WISH that I knew more “childfree” people like myself. Lots in common with folks in that same boat. Hey, at least you are one of’em!!

  2. chan on Comment May 24th, 2009 8:33 pm

    totally agree about the depression thing – I think I’ve told you before, surround yourself with happy people and you’ll be happy – really that simple!

  3. Mea Preston on Comment June 6th, 2009 12:39 pm

    Honest blog. It reminded me of myself and my crazy life with men. It’s not now, which is sometimes boring, but it’s better than the chaos of juggling.

    I see all my friends getting married and having kids, and I’m in my late 20’s, but I’m okay. Not ready for kids, maybe never. Maybe never marriage either. Too much of a fuss!

    Anyway, I’d love for you to check out my racy blog, http://www.manicviolet.wordpress.com, and contribute, your a mighty fine writer.

    Best,

    Mea

  4. bipolarchick on Comment June 16th, 2009 1:29 am

    LOL, Tallulah. You reminded me of a keychain had years ago. It said “I’m not childless, I’m CHILDFREE!” We seem to be a lot alike, too bad you don’t live closer.

    You are definitely right, Chan. Thanks for the advice.

    Mea, thanks. I’ll check it out.

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