Archive for April, 2009
It has been a busy month for me. I’ve been spending a lot of time with both Zane and Greg. I’m having a lot of fun with both of them. I wish I could merge the two of them and I’d have the perfect guy. Neither of them knows about the other but I’m not exclusive with either of them, so that isn’t really an issue in my eyes.
Zane’s future ex-wife found out about us because the Myspace Own Your Friends application (I swear that app has caused more drama in my life the past several months than anything else) and she isn’t happy about it. Apparently, she still has hope they will reconcile and she keeps trying to mark her territory. It caused the first bit of strife between Zane and me. We haven’t really talked it out because we haven’t seen each other since it happened, but we have a date tonight and I plan on bringing it up.
If there is hope for them he needs to be honest with me so I can bow out gracefully. Otherwise, I’m gonna set the bitch straight. She had him and he has moved on now. She needs to do the same. Hopefully, she doesn’t use their kids as weapon like Greg’s ex does.
Zane was in a good mood when I picked him up last night. He heard yesterday that he may get his old job back soon1. He mentioned wanting us to spend an entire weekend in Dallas together as soon as he gets back on his feet.
I like Dallas, but the only time I did more than drive through it was when Raymond and I spent Labor Day weekend in Texas almost ten years ago. Damn, I can’t believe it’s been so long. He’s been married, divorced, and re-married since then. The thought of spending time with another man there feels somewhat sacrilegious, but I think it’s time to make new memories of Dallas.
What Raymond and I had way back when was special and I loved him very much, but it just didn’t fit. He tried to mold me into a Christian Stepford wife and that just isn’t me. I’m too blunt and independent-minded. I loathe conformity and I take pleasure in shaking things up from time to time. I went along with it and tried it for a few months, but I couldn’t maintain that phony façade. He often threw the “unevenly yoked” bible rule in my face. I am who I am and Raymond wouldn’t accept that.
I don’t like to be pushed, controlled, or goaded and I don’t stand for it very long, if at all. I’ve always had a rebellious aspect to my personality and it eventually won that battle with Raymond.
- He was laid off in February [↩]
I dropped Zane around 2pm today. He had to meet with his ex so he could go see his kids. We were up almost all night talking, cuddling, and having sex. About an hour before I picked him up, I started spotting a little. I did the please-don’t-let-my-period-start-yet prayer and lucky for me I didn’t start.
Last night, when I first picked him up, he was in a shitty mood because his electric was shut off and he still hasn’t had any luck finding a permanent job. There aren’t any CNC machinist jobs currently available in Tulsa. He’s been off his anti-depressant for a few months and he’s been trying to fight off the depression on his own.
He isn’t bipolar, but he struggles with depression and anxiety. It’s gotten worse since he lost his job and can’t afford the medication, which is a common scenario, especially in the current economy. I feel lucky that I’m finally out of my depressive episode and I will do what I can to help him through his.
I’m sitting here trying to energize myself by listening to some of my favorite guilty pleasure movie soundtracks and slamming cans of Red Bull. I’m supposed to meet Greg later and I’ve been cocooning all day.
I’ve been dating him for the past eight-or-so months. I stopped writing about him and many other things because nosy fuckers from my past have been lurking around my blog, which deterred me from pouring myself out completely, as I did when I first started writing it. Knowing that people I dislike or have a beef with nose around in my innermost thoughts and feelings left me feeling exposed. I didn’t want to give them any ammo to bring more drama to my life. Who wants their foes knowing their business?
Greg’s been trying to get me to hang out with him all week, but I’ve been dodging him. I feel guilty for talking to him because we’ve had a lots-of-space-yet-monogamous-ish relationship for the past several months. From my point of view, we aren’t exclusive, but I think he thinks we’re more of a couple than we actually are. We haven’t discussed our relationship at all since we started seeing each other again. The past couple months he has made a few comments, such as: “That’s our anniversary!”, (he was referring to Super Bowl Sunday) and “Other women can’t have me.”