has been reading my blog again and today she sent me some shitty messages via yahoo mobile. At first, the instinct to defend myself reared its head, but I was working at the time so I couldn’t take time to argue with her. I planned to respond during my first break, but by then I had lost interest in the argument. It isn’t worth the energy. I refused to get all worked up over it, especially while at . I’m not interested in her bullshit; just arguing back and forth without a resolution or possible compromise is futile.

Her words were as feeble and pathetic as she is; she was desperately trying to hurt my and direct the heat from herself to someone else. Consequently, she chose to attack, blame, and accuse me of things. She called it “putting me in my place.”

Frankly, I don’t give a fuck about what she says. She didn’t “put me in my place” by any means. If ignoring her let’s her believe otherwise, so be it. I don’t care. Since she threw my miscarriages in my face a couple months ago, my of her couldn’t get any lower and her of me doesn’t matter.

My reasons for doubting her are quite rational, much to her dismay, which is why she keeps trying to start shit with me. I know her extremely well; much better than my brother does or likely ever will.

In a couple of the messages, she was trying to convince me that my likes her, which is sadly delusional. I feel sorry for her in that aspect. When she and first hooked up, I completely supported their relationship. I was the only one in my that did. Everyone else either silently cringed or vented about it to one another. Only a couple voiced their opinions and concerns directly to David.

I remained supportive and happy about their relationship, even after they announced their engagement1. It began to change when Shawna told me she was going to get a pregnancy test after her period was only a few days late. I knew it was excessively soon to be worried about being pregnant because periods are frequently a few days off and there were other reasons as well2.

The first pregnancy test she took was inconclusive; it was one of those cheap Dollar General tests. She got an EPT the next day and it was positive. When she told me, it hit me wrong and my instincts began screaming that something was going on. Nevertheless, I continued to give her the benefit of the doubt and accept that by some off chance, my brother got her pregnant, but within three weeks of the announcement, I couldn’t ignore my instincts and fend off the nagging doubts any longer.

The final straw came when David called me and told me he and Shawna planned to elope the next day. He said that she refused to get married while she was showing and he didn’t want his baby born out of wedlock. I tried to get him to wait a little while longer.

He ignored my advice, which didn’t surprise me because David and I are both stubborn and hardheaded as hell and she is damned good at manipulating people, particularly men, to get what she wants. My mom called me the next night and gave me the news about their quickie courthouse wedding. She said that David told her he only did it because Shawna was starting to show. The alarm bells rang at full force. I knew the baby wasn’t his and she trapped him.

I am aware that there is a miniscule chance the baby is his, but everything in me is convinced it isn’t his. I mostly feel this way because the timeframe doesn’t match but there are other reasons as well:

  1. They got married less than 2.5 weeks after we found out she is pregnant because she was starting to show. At that point, she was supposedly 4-5 weeks pregnant and it is EXTREMELY rare for a woman to start showing any earlier than 8 weeks, even when they have had three or more previous pregnancies. It is uncommon even at 8 weeks.
  2. We started our periods the exact same day from August-October. In October, we started on the 21st. She called me up bitching about it that afternoon because Lee was supposed to come over for a booty call that night. The next day when we talked she was bitching about it stopping. She said it started just long enough to ruin her plans with Lee because she hadn’t been fucking him long enough to know whether he had a problem with during menstruation. I don’t remember her mentioning it starting back up and I’m sure she would have.
  3. According to several different ovulation calendars I used she was only fertile between 11-2-08 and 11-7-08 and that’s only if I count the few hours of spotting as a period. If I don’t count it then she was fertile between 10-2-08 and 10-7-08. She and David didn’t first have sex until 11-9-09 and they used condoms the first few days. She frequently had sex with Lee throughout September and October.
  4. She swears the baby can’t be Lee’s because they used condoms. He has herpes, so I know they used protection. However, I think there may have been an accident she didn’t tell me about because shortly after I told my brother if the baby is Lee’s then there’s a chance Shawna may have herpes she called and told me she knows she doesn’t have herpes because she was tested a few weeks before. She used that to “prove” the baby couldn’t be Lee’s. It didn’t prove that. She never had sex with Lee during an outbreak and he takes Valtrex. Therefore, it is very possible for her to be pregnant by him and not have herpes.
  5. Lee told her from the beginning he wasn’t interested in a relationship with her because she has . He isn’t ready for . She was interested in him and agreed to the fuckbuddy-only arrangements. She knows Lee won’t man-up and take responsibility if the baby is his and she doesn’t want to raise yet another baby without its father. It has yet to be determined who fathered this one. She is currently on baby and baby daddy #4.
  6. David told me after they stopped using condoms she wanted him to cum inside her and told him not to pull out. That leads me to believe she knew she was pregnant and she wanted to be able to convince him he is the father.
  7. Her OB/GYN is a friend of her family’s and I think he would go along with her version of the timeline of the pregnancy. He has been her OB/GYN for years.
  8. This is the decisive factor: she was diagnosed with Preeclampsia during the last week of February. After I found this out I went from 90% to 99.999% sure my brother is not the father. I researched it from several different sources and ALL of them show that preeclampsia is NEVER diagnosed before 20 weeks gestation. I’m not sure if that is 20 weeks from conception or 20 weeks from last menstrual period, but it doesn’t matter either way because if the baby is David’s she could only have been 15 – 18 weeks at that time 3. If she conceived in October then she could have been as far along as 23 weeks when she was diagnosed. Preeclampsia is most often seen in first-time pregnancies and in pregnant teens and women over 40. Other risk factors include:
    • A history of high blood pressure prior to pregnancy.
    • Previous history of preeclampsia.
    • A history of preeclampsia in mother or sisters.
    • Obesity prior to pregnancy.
    • Carrying more than one baby.
    • History of diabetes, kidney disease, lupus, or rheumatoid arthritis.

This is her fourth pregnancy and she is 29. She didn’t have any of the other risk factors either, so it is highly unlikely she would have preeclampsia at 20 weeks, much less earlier.

Since the whirlwind wedding and David’s withdrawal from the family, many of them have accepted that she has sunk her hooks deep into him and they have made an effort to tolerate her for his sake. They still can’t stand her. They bite their tongues because they don’t want to alienate David more and push him further toward her. I don’t blame them; losing David is far worse than having to play nice and tolerate her. However, I must risk losing David.

I can’t bring myself to talk to her. I’m so angry and disgusted with the situation that I cannot pretend everything is ok. I am incapable of being civil to her right now and I imagine that will remain the case until the baby’s paternity is scientifically proven. If by some ungodly chance the baby is proven my brother’s I will gladly accept their marriage and everything and I will profusely apologize for doubting the paternity. However, I honestly think the baby belongs to Lee or someone else. Besides that, the way she has behaved and things she has said makes me want to rip her head off and my temper can be volatile. There have been times in my past when I physically attacked people that wronged me or people I care about before I was even consciously aware of it. I had to be dragged off them. I don’t want to risk doing that to her, especially while she is pregnant.

I know she prays the baby is David’s and I hope it is too, for David and the baby’s sake, but I think she knows the baby is Lee’s. I think that is why she is getting so defensive about my opinion and driving a wedge between my brother and me. The only thing I can do at this point is wait and see.

It wouldn’t have become such a big deal if she was honest with David about the chances of the baby not being his, instead of convincing him he is the father, because he would have had a choice in raising her kids and marrying her. Instead, his conscience and desire to accept his responsibilities forced him into marrying her so soon. I feel like she conned him and I hate her for that.

On this day..


  1. they had been “” for a little over a week when they got engaged [↩]
  2. mentioned later [↩]
  3. and that is only if she got pregnant the first day they had sex [↩]