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Mar
29
On the Lookout
Filed Under My Episodes, Relationships, Sexcapades, Thoughts | 1 Comment
The chains that bound me to certain people have weakened near the point of disintegration and I’ve given myself a clean slate. As a result, I am de-stressed and I can breathe freely.
This whole being happy thing kinda scary. It’s been awhile since I’ve considered myself happy. Since I’ve been off the meds, I’ve been paying attention to myself, watching for signs of a relapse or an improvement.
I see a drastic improvement. However, I’m afraid a manic episode could be creeping around the corner. So far, I haven’t noticed any significant symptoms. Nevertheless, my happiness is somewhat disturbing. Right now, I’m trying to figure out whether I’m “happy” or if I’m nearly “euphoric.” While the latter feels post-orgasmic, it signals an impending nosedive. I don’t feel post-orgasmic currently, but I do feel ecstatic1.
- perhaps residual effects of the x I did a few days ago or the fantastic sex I had with someone I actually like [↩]
Mar
27
Enjoying the Afterglow
Filed Under Guys, Sexcapades, Thoughts | Leave a Comment
Zane spent the night last night and I dropped him off at his apartment this morning so he could go job hunting and stuff. We’ve spent several hours with each other this past week. I have enjoyed it a lot, especially last night. It was absolutely amazing. As for the sex, all I can say is, “Oh my fucking God!”
We have done more than just reconnect. I knew a lot of personal stuff about him because our time in Brookhaven, but getting to know him outside of a group therapy setting has been fun. We have things in common, but I’m also discovering many differences between us. We are opposites on several things, but we complement each other very well.
Mar
24
An Evening with Zane
Filed Under Guys, Sexcapades | Leave a Comment
I was with Zane last night from the time I got off work until a little after 1am this morning. He wanted me to spend the night, but I didn’t have any clothes with me and I have to work today. He is gonna spend the night at my house Thursday.
When I got to his apartment complex, I called him. He was hanging out at a neighbor’s place. I met his neighbor and the three of us hung out for about an hour. Then Zane and I went to his apartment. We snuggled up on his bed and watched TV, and then he cooked dinner.
We snuggled more, then he started kissing the back of my neck and my back. He started rubbing my back and legs and it sent shockwaves through my entire body. Before long, I wanted him. We started kissing. He began undressing me, while telling me beautiful I am.
Mar
22
The End Has Come for Erick and Me
Filed Under Events, Family & Friends, Guys, Relationships, Thoughts | Leave a Comment
Last night before bed, I signed in to yahoo messenger. I stayed invisible because I didn’t want to chat with anyone that was online. An old chat buddy of mine and Erick’s messaged me. It had been at least a couple years since we chatted. She was the only one1 who fully supported my relationship with Erick, even after we split up. I think she may even have wanted us together more than I did.
We chatted for about an hour and a half. We talked about several things; of course, Erick was one of them. I told her I made a decision last month to be friends only with him and how liberated I feel because of it. She held on to the belief of Erick and I being perfect for each other for awhile, but eventually, I got her to understand why I think it’s for the best to close that chapter of my life. I also told her about Zane.
I went to bed around 2am, when I woke up around 7:30am I had a text message from Erick waiting on me. He had sent it shortly after 4am. I messaged him back. He was still awake and we texted back and forth for almost an hour and a half. We talked about Tricky a little. Then he said, “I heard you gotta new boyfriend.” He said he caught that on my blog, but that he didn’t read the whole post.
- who knew the whole story [↩]
Mar
21
A New Relationship Begins
Filed Under Events, Guys, Relationships, Sexcapades, Thoughts | 5 Comments
I met a guy, Zane, that I was very attracted to while I was in Brookhaven two years ago. We hit it off very well, and flirted a lot. He was married, so we didn’t take it past flirting and friendship. We remained in touch for several months after we were released, but then we lost touch.
Brookhaven keeps addiction, eating disorders, and behavioral health1 clients all together. The other wing of the facility is for the brain injuries and total care patients. He was in Brookhaven for alcoholism. He was a partial inpatient. He was there with the rest of us all day, but he would leave in the evening and come back the next morning. He used to sneak in chocolate2 for some of us.
He added me on Yahoo messenger last week, but we didn’t get a chance to talk until yesterday morning. We talked for a while. He successfully stopped abusing alcohol. He’s been separated for nine months. He is getting divorced and lives in an apartment alone on the southeast side of town. He’s been having a bit of bad luck. His blazer has a blown engine and he was laid off a few weeks ago.
He wanted to come see me. At that point, I didn’t have the rental car yet so I couldn’t go pick him up. His car is still out of commission as well so he took a bus. He got here shortly before 2pm.
