After five days of avoiding Patrick’s 6+ a day calls to me, I finally answered one. Patrick is persistent and would not take the hint that I really didn’t want to talk to him. I answered it just so he would stop calling. He has a tendency to drive by my house several times a day when I don’t talk to him, so I figured he knew I was home.

I knew he was looking for some naughty talk and perhaps a mid-afternoon rendezvous. I wasn’t interested, which is part of the reason I was avoiding his calls. At first, I didn’t really know what to say to him. I hadn’t really thought about him or our situation in any significant detail.

He and I have been having together irregularly for over a year. and know him as either the Guy (he usually comes over in his uniform and he’s an exterminator) or Plan-B Guy (he usually leaves a box of Plan B contraceptives in my mailbox the morning after).

After I answered his call, he immediately began telling me that he knew I was avoiding him because he’d been driving by my house. Then he started talking sexually.
I tap-danced around the fact that I had been ignoring him. He tried very hard to talk me into letting him come over. After a few minutes of him trying to persuade me, I got tired of it. I told him that this whole thing with him isn’t working out for anymore and that it can’t go on forever. I told him it’s not healthy and I’m not going to be his whore any longer. He started trying to make me feel guilty because his needs won’t be met.

Then he asked if I was taking my again (because one of them robbed my sex drive). I told him no, but I have been using a natural remedy for a while. He said, “Well, we need to get you back on your , I need you .” I told him no, I didn’t want to be because I make sex my life during those and it’s dangerous. Then he told me he enjoys the freedom he feels with me because he can be himself sexually and the way I don’t judge him, etc, etc.

I continued to tell him it was over, and finally after more than twenty minutes he relented and let me get of the phone. Afterwards, I didn’t think about it, or my decision.

It’s after 5am now and I can’t sleep. I smoked a little to make me sleepy, but it got me thinking about blowing Patrick off instead. I started analyzing the situation and here are the results.

I think some of the reasons I continued having sex with him are:
1. He has some amazing oral sex skills.
2. He doesn’t judge me or criticize me.
3. He is very sexually attracted to me.
4. He compliments me frequently, and they are genuine.
5. There are no strings binding us together.
6. I felt bad because his woman hates sex and hasn’t given it up (according to him, since they’ve been back together).

Some of the reasons I don’t want to continue seeing him:
1. I’m bored with him… it’s always the same thing. He calls, comes over, fucks me, leaves, drops Plan-B in my mailbox, and then doesn’t call me for two weeks or more. The sex is the same too, very little kissing (he is BAD at it); he always goes straight for my vagina (with his tongue) without paying attention to other parts of my body… I need my neck kissed, my breasts gently squeezed and licked, etc before my vagina is physically stimulated.
2. He always has a guilty conscience right after we finish and it makes me feel like a cheap whore.
3. He assumes that when I don’t want to have sex I’m having a depressive episode.
4. We use each other for sex.
5. It felt wrong because he has a girlfriend, and she is the mother of his child.
6. Our relationship had stagnated and was negatively affecting my self-esteem.

I hadn’t consciously acknowledged these things until now. I made the decision to end our relationship sometime during the call. It was my second major decision in several months and I think it was a damn good one. I am pleased with myself. However, I’m still a little surprised that I ended it so suddenly and it felt instinctive.

I made a similar decision with about a week and a half ago, but I’ll leave that for another night. I need to get a little sleep before time to get ready for work.

On this day..