2009 – Another New Year
Another year has come and gone. 2008 went rather quickly. Overall, it was a decent year. I’ve had better years, but I’ve had a helluva lot worse as well, so I’m not bitching. There were many vicissitudes, as usual, but nothing overly catastrophic.
The greatest thing of 2008 for me was my brother’s release from prison. The worst thing was the loss of Nick’s friendship – I lost an old friend and a newer one, but I reconnected with some very important people from my past. I also made some new friends who have stuck by me through some drama and who have brought a lot of fun to my life.
It has officially been over a year since the last time I self-injured. WOOHOO! GO ME!
I have deviated from actively pursuing recovery with manmade medications, self-help books, and therapy. However, I have not had a severe depressive episode in months. I feel better physically and emotionally without all the medications they were shoving at me. The only medication I have continued to take is the Wellbutrin XL and I smoke marijuana occasionally.
I think my doctor had me on much higher than necessary dosages of mood stabilizers and that they were keeping the anti-depressants from doing their job. I know she was worried that the anti-depressants would cause a severe manic episode, but I have always had far worse and frequent depressive episodes than manic ones. She just would not listen to me. Doctors think they know everything sometimes. Besides, I’d rather risk a manic episode than a depressive one. My severe depressive episodes are literally life-threatening.
Since it is a new year, I have set some goals, such as:
• Take better care of myself
• Find a healthy balance between work and life
• Learn to accept and love myself more
• Stop using men for sex
• Be more productive
• Stop indulging my every whim
• Learn how to stop pushing people away
• Stop bottling up my emotions and verbally communicate how I feel to people who are in my life
I definitely have my work cut out for me, but I am committed to achieving these goals.
On this day..
- Shawna is Harassing Me Again - 2012
- Employment - 2008
- Something is Wrong - 2007







Maybe a little late but congrats on your anniversary!
It's been 3 years since my last hospitalization for me, good things, keep up the good work!