Around 10:30 last night, started a fight with me and I know without a doubt that is behind it.

Nick: Why have you been talking shit about me?
Me: To whom?
Me: That is news to me.
Nick: Whatever I have seen proof. I thought we could still be but I was wrong! And stop posting our conversations online.

I didn’t want to get into everything in text messages, so I tried to call him. He let it go to voicemail and I left him a message. I said, “We need to talk about this. Call me when you can act like an adult. In the meantime, I can do as I please.”

He responded with a text:

Nick: I don’t want to talk to you. bye.
Me: Fine with me. BTW writing about my life is not talking shit about you.

We didn’t talk for about an hour after that, and then he sent me more messages.

Nick: And stop showing of my package to people. You need to delete those and I mean all of them
Me: I showed them to Tamara big fucking deal
Me: You’re stupid letting her come between us, but that’s ok.
Nick: Don’t lie to me you have showed them to more than just her
Me: Bullshit.
Me: She’s making a fool out of you.
Nick: No you are making a fool out of yourself and she is the best thing that have ever happened to me. I am so happy but you don’t care about that so just Fuck off
Me: I haven’t lied to you about a goddamned thing ever and it pisses me off that you are treating me like a liar. She’s the one that lies about everything.
Me: She even lies on her dead dad’s name. What kind of person does that?
Nick: I have proof that you said and did all the shit I just accused you of so once again Fuck off and get your own life and keep your ass out of mine
Me: Oh please. Go to hell.
Me: You don’t even know her you dumb fuck.
Me: She is just showing you who she wants you to see.
Nick: Whatever bye
Me: It’s impossible for you to have proof because it never happened.
Me: I wanna see this so called proof.
Nick: Well I not only have proof I have a first hand witness that you showed those pics to so you figure it out good night
Me: you are lying your ass off. The only person that could be saying this shit is Tamara and she is a liar.
Nick: I said good night
Me: That’s what I thought. You’re full of shit.
Me: She just wanted to turn you against me and you’re dumb enough to let her.
Nick: Fuck you bitch your nothing but a mental whore who has no life so you stick your nose into everybody else’s and try to make it as Fucked up as yours
Me: Oh whatever. Fuck off you stupid son of a bitch.
Me: You want the pics of your tiny dick online? Consider it done now.
Nick: Well thank you that will just prove that you have nothing better to do than play kid games lol you are pathetic
Me: What do you expect? You are accusing me of shit I didn’t do and calling me names I don’t deserve.
Nick: Well I only tell how it is
Me: You are believing her lies. I haven’t shown anyone except Tam those pics.
Nick: Stop it jen I have had enough of this get your own life get some new pics and don’t ever mention my name or hers again
Me: I have my own life. I will do as I please.
Nick: Ok if that’s the way you wanna play I’m good at that game
Me: We need to talk. Will you just call and stop this texting bullshit?
Nick: No I’m in bed and trying to sleep and your just full of shit anyway
Me: No I’m not. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I swear I didn’t do that shit.
Me: I wrote about what was happening on my blog. That was it. I haven’t shown your pics or anything like that.
Me: I haven’t done a damned thing to you or her.
Nick: Whatever just leave me and tam alone or I won’t play nice and that includes talking about us or those pics
Me: Don’t threaten me Nick.
Nick: I’m just saying you want to play I can play so stop
Me: Stop what?!? I haven’t fucking done anything.
Nick: good night.
Me: This whole thing is a bullshit scheme of hers and you’re buying it.
Nick: GOOD NIGHT!
Me: Truth hurt? Good night, dumb ass.

At first, I was so angry I wanted to beat Tamara to a bloody pulp. Extremely violent things went through my mind and to be honest it scares me to think about them right now. I am thankful I did not act on those violent impulses. I got instead and luckily, I did not and self-injure.

If I had seen her while I was drunk last night, I think I would have killed her – no ass whooping; , pure and simple. Do you have any idea how frightening it is to think you are capable of murder? Had I not been with , who knows what would have happened. There is so much rage brewing inside me right now and all I can say is Tamara better hope I do not see her anytime soon. I do not know if I would be able to control myself.

That cunt won Nick, but that is okay. He has proven he was not really a friend anyway. If he were, he would not have fallen for her bullshit lies. He would have talked to me before accusing me, to hell with him. I am not going to defend myself. I have done nothing wrong. He can rot along with her in exile from my life. Nick is dead to me.

On this day..