Aug

31

Hanging With Shawna

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A positive thing has come out of this shitty situation with Nick and Tamara: and I are getting closer again. Saturday night, she came over with her kids and spent the night. We all had a good time.

has been buying Nick from Tamara on the Myspace “Own Your Friends” application. Initially, she did it because her daughter, Sarah, asked her to buy him. Sarah and Nick have a father-daughter relationship despite the fact that Nick is not Sarah’s biological father. Tamara started getting catty about with and changing Nick’s status to stuff like “Property of his sexy girlfriend!!!” and things like that. Therefore, changed his status to “Property of his daughter.”
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Aug

26

How to Get Over a Friend’s Betrayal

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It can be hard making , and even harder to trust them. It’s very hard to find someone who really loves you and cares about you. Ideally, a friend is a person who offers love and respect and will never leave or betray you. It is very hard to find a friend who will stay and they can be easy to lose if they feel wronged.

With increasing corruption and disloyalty, it is difficult to find the right person to trust and accept as a friend. With so many people believing in gossip and cheap plots, betrayal of friendship has become very common.

People are so self absorbed these days that they do not tend to see whether the they have are trustworthy individuals or not. Worse are those people who betray true because of materialistic pleasures. Coping with a friend’s betrayal is quite hard, more so if you have no fault of yours. However, life goes on and you will make new . You will push away your hurtful past and hopefully learn a valuable lesson from it.

If you find yourself in a situation where a friend has seemingly betrayed you, try to follow these steps.
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Aug

25

A Dying Friendship

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Friday, when I seen at work during shift change he completely ignored me. A little while later, I sent him a text message and we started talking.
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Aug

24

How to Recognize a True Friend

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A true friend is hard to come by. As we grow older, we begin to drift apart from those we considered to be our other half during high school and college. It can be difficult to make new , and even more challenging to maintain old friendships as we go through various changes in life. If you are one who has the gift of true friendship in your life, you are fortunate. Most struggle to adjust and find one true friend that is consistent and constant in their life.

The Characteristics of A True Friend
We hear the term “true friend” quite a bit, however, what does this term really mean? A true friend may be composed of many different characteristics, and you may find various taking on this role as you grow and change. For example, one true friend may stick by you through thick-and-thin, however, after you marry and become a parent, you find that your relationships changes in both distance and intimacy based upon those who are experiencing similar life patterns. There is definitely a distinct amount of ebbing and flowing found within the parameters of friendship, however, there are some qualities that are always associated with true friendship.
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Aug

23

An Eye for an Eye

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Felicia was right, the old me sure as hell wouldn’t have given Tamara another chance to fuck me over. I tried the forgiveness thing with her and it got me fucked over again, but that is okay now. Nick and I came to an agreement.

Since this is the first time I felt betrayed by him, I will give our friendship another shot. However, I cannot do the same with Tamara. Our friendship is dead. I told him if she is around him the same time I am, I’ll be civil, but I cannot do more than that and she is not welcome in my home.
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Aug

21

I Still Feel Betrayed

Filed Under Events, Family & Friends, Guys, Relationships, Thoughts | 3 Comments

Last night was very trying for me, but I got through it will the help of two true ; Dudney and . helped the most. He listened to me vent and gave me advice about the situation. Dudney listened to me vent. He was in shock himself after I told him about the betrayal.

When Tamara left here late last night, it was on decent terms. We talked everything out and she told me she was going to break things off with today. I doubt she will do it, her word isn’t worth shit to me anymore.

I slept about five hours. When I woke up I had a text from . He hadn’t talked to Tamara yet. He’s at work and I knew he couldn’t really get into it right now, but I had to say something. I couldn’t contain it any longer. I answered him and it was civil, but I couldn’t keep from asking him about what Tamara slipped up and told me. We had a mini text argument, which follows in its entirety:
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Aug

21

Stabbed in the Back Again

Filed Under Events, Family & Friends, Guys, Relationships, Thoughts | 1 Comment

Tamara just left. We had a long conversation about her and Nick. She told me she went to his house to hang out three times the past week while I’ve been at work. She violated the friend rule; you’re not supposed to get involved with your best friend’s ex. I feel so betrayed.

I don’t feel like a fool because I seen it coming. The first night I introduced them to each other Nick was asking me if the three of us could have a threesome. However, I do feel naïve for trusting Tamara again. I knew she should not be trusted. She proved that in the past; this is the second time she has betrayed me and we have barely known each other six months.

When Nick and I talked earlier, he was asking me for my approval to date her. He didn’t bother to mention that they’ve already been hanging out behind my back. I was livid when Tamara told me. She let that part slip because she thought Nick had already told me.
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Aug

20

Old Habits

Filed Under Guys, Self-Injury, Suicide, Thoughts | Leave a Comment

I just got home from Nick’s house. Our evening together was a very emotional one, thanks to the berry blue Everclear kool-aid. I cried in his arms when I left. We had some very open and honest communication this evening and it has left me feeling bad overall. I still feel like crying, but I would rather just have some more kool-aid. That probably would not be a good idea though.

The drive home was not an easy one. Before I pulled out of Nick’s neighborhood, the images of razorblades were flashing in my head. A few times, I even thought about how simple it would be to drive off a bridge. Thinking about it and doing it are two different things, obviously. I am not going to do that, but something about entertaining the idea provides a sense of relief.

It’s disappointing to look back at all the hard work and therapy because I feel like it was in vain. As soon as things get a little too hard to handle emotionally I go back to thinking about hurting myself. Why do I do that?!?

Aug

20

My New Job and Nick

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So far, my new job is going well. They started training me to run machines my first night, thanks to . He put in a great word for me. He told them, “She is damn smart and a very quick learner. She can go straight to a machine…” It still surprises me a little when I think of believing and especially saying positive things about me. I am not certain what has gotten in to him, but I like it for the most part. Our friendship is getting back on track.

When I think about our past relationship, or read posts I wrote when we were together, I wonder how skewed my perception was of him and things that happened. I was clearly in an episode, but how much of what I thought was irrational, but correct, and how much was irrational and incorrect? I suppose the only way to know without a doubt is to ask him about it, but I am not sure I want to get into that complex issue.
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Aug

14

Slacking

Filed Under Bipolar Disorder, Events, Misc | 2 Comments

Okay, my blog has left much to be desired lately, at least from my own point of view. I have not been updating as often as I used to and when I have posted something, chances are it was brief. There are a few reasons for this: First, I am in the process of moving this website again. Second, I was afraid some of my new close friends would read it and there are things I don’t want them knowing. Third, I have been hanging out with my new friends so often I hardly have much time for myself, much less time to write. I am not complaining, I have been having a great time, but I need to try to balance my social life with other aspects of my life.

I also have not been smoking marijuana very often because I knew about my impending need for a job hunt, which would most likely result in a drug test. The other drugs we had been experimenting with (, pills, mushrooms, and ecstasy; I tried the ecstasy three times and the mushrooms once) were out of our systems within three days.
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