Last Saturday, and I threw a birthday party for . She turned 24 on July 13th. It wasn’t a huge party, just a small gathering. All who went with the exception of Luis, , and are .

It is usually awkward for me to see Luis. I had the biggest schoolgirl crush on him when I was sixteen. He is seven years older than me and wouldn’t give me anything except friendship because I was jailbait. Everyone knew I had a crush on him and they constantly gave me hell about it. Now that I’m older they still haven’t let me live it down.

When I was eighteen, Luis went to for breaking into someone’s car. I was the only person who wrote him regularly besides his mother and it made us a lot closer. While he was locked up, I lost 100lbs.

I was nineteen when he was released. They all kept it a secret from me because he wanted to surprise me. I thought that was sweet, but I was thrilled when I learned that he was finally freed.

He was on parole so he had to live with his mother. I went to her house to see him. We were alone and I had worn my little brown fuck-me-dress. We sat there and talked for hours. I was so nervous I couldn’t stop smoking or playing with my car keys. He thought it was cute. I didn’t. He couldn’t fight the urge to make a move and he tried to seduce me.

I was not about to have in his mother’s house. For one thing, I respected her and for another I was afraid someone would walk in. Besides that, I didn’t want to be his first fuck after prison. I wanted to be certain he wasn’t hitting on me just because his extreme horniness.

A few days later, we were talking about hooking up over the upcoming weekend. He spent the weekend at my house and I ended up having my way with him. It had been my mission for three years and I finally succeeded. I was on top of the world because I finally got him1. After that, I lost interest in him except as .

We had sex again about a year later and then less than a month later and I were together. Luis was back with the woman he was with before prison. She hated me because he constantly reminded her I was the only one that wrote him besides his mother. So we lost touch except for semi-annual extended family events (he’s my cousin’s husband’s step-brother).

Luis’ brother, Jesse, was my best friend for three years before I met Luis. Jesse had a crush on me and while Luis was locked up I had sex with Jesse. I did it because it was nineteen months after Pete raped me and I finally felt ready to have sex again. Jesse was the only man I trusted at that point.

I had sex with him a couple more times over the years as well. I couldn’t let myself have sex with one without also doing the other. I always had to have sex with them evenly. I finally broke the cycle by not having sex with either of them again. They have made attempts a few times, but I always pass on the chance.

When I’m around Dena, Chris, and Luis at the same time, they try to make me feel like the starry-eyed schoolgirl I was thirteen years ago. The last time we all hung out together, I all but ignored Luis because of it.

I pretty much ignored everyone except Tori, Dan, and Tamara at Tori’s party. Luis came to me and wanted a hug. Then he kept putting his hands on me and arms around me every opportunity he had. I kept going back to my room where Tamara and Dan were. Dan brought his guitar and I was enjoying watching him play.

One of the time I went into the living room, Chris smarted off something about me wanting Luis. That was the final straw. I straight up told him, “I’ve had him before and I don’t want Luis anymore. He’s too old for me. I have a nineteen year old in my bedroom right now.” Dena, Chris, and Luis sat there in stunned silence for a minute or two, then Luis said, “CRADDLEROBBER! That’s my girl.”

After that, I ignored them all until they were leaving. Luis gave me a big hug before he left, and I’ll be damned if he didn’t look down my shirt and grab my boobs. WTF?

Oh well, I had a really good time despite my embarrassing past being rubbed in my face.

On this day..


  1. not because the sex was good [↩]