Time for ’s visit is getting closer and closer. I am starting to get nervous. I do not really know what is going to happen while he is here. I am certain we are going to have , that’s a given. I just do not know what we are going to talk about and what else we are going to do. Do we even like to do the same things anymore?

I am afraid that my fantasy is going to be ruined. In a parallel world Erick and I could have been a power couple, in this one, after all that has transpired; I just do not know.

I have the strangest feeling of it being wrong for me to be happy with Erick. I know that is irrational, but that does not make the feeling go away. Perhaps it is residual for being his mistress years ago.

Nevertheless, I do not want to keep myself from . If I am capable of being happy with Erick again, I want that , damn it. I am sick of not being happy. Misery is comfortable for me, but I need more. I want more. I deserve more.

On this day..