Current Status of my Relationship with Erick
I talked to Erick quite a bit today. We mostly discussed his upcoming visit to Tulsa. So far, it seems his vacation request was approved and he’ll be here either August 4th or 5th. I’m excited, but I’m trying to contain it until he is on his way. I don’t want to get my hopes up too high. This will be the first time he’s came to visit me. I always went to see him when we were together in the past.
We’re not “together” at this point and I don’t know if we will be or not. Like I wrote before, I’m not making a decision until we spend some time together one on one.
Many things have happened over the past five years: He got divorced; I went through dozens of men; I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, PTSD, ADHD; GAD, and Panic disorder; I attempted suicide three times and seriously considered it innumerable other times; I committed myself to Brookhaven – I was anything but stable; I had a three-way relationship with my ex-fiancée and his wife; he quit his band; I had to commit my mother because she had a “nervous breakdown”; my brother went to prison; at one point I lost everything – my car, house, jobs, friends, even my sanity at times – and had to file bankruptcy. I could go on but those are the primary high and low points.
Up to this point, Erick has been the love of my life, but after a five year split, I’m not sure how we will feel for each other romantically. For all I know after all this time, I romanticized our past relationship. I’m just not certain.
Here is what I think: I loved him more than I thought I could love a man; we had amazing chemistry; we connected spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and physically; and we betrayed each other’s trust. He was living a double life, and I made a compromising video of him and posted it on his band’s messageboard in a fit of revenge, rage, and hurt. Honestly, after the way we treated each other, I thought we would NEVER be close again. I’m glad I was wrong. If nothing else, I will have closure.
On this day..
About BipolarChick (599 posts)
I’m a thirty-something bipolar woman, an advanced tech agent with a pay tv provider, tax preparer for a local charity, current Tulsa inhabitant, and I’m one credit shy of an Associate Degree in Liberal Arts. I’m working on recovery from self-injury and working toward stabilizing my bipolar symptoms. Recovery is very important to me. I’ve been mostly single the past few years and plagued by a seemingly never-ending series of jackasses, assholes, and married men. I have no children of my own, but I have lots of nieces and nephews I love to spoil.