I haven’t been feeling quite myself the past few weeks. I don’t know if these things are or , but I wish they would go away. A few of these things are definite pluses1 but most of them are bothersome.

Restlessness and Boredom.
I’ve been getting a lot done2 because I’ve been unbelievably bored and restless. I have to be doing something constantly and I’m running out of things to do. I rearranged and reorganized the entire house. I even started exercising. *gasp*

Impulsivity.
I had to fight the urge to hop in my car and drive to Kansas City or Dallas because I was bored one night. The only thing that kept me from doing it was the lack of gas . *grumble… stupid oil-man turned President… grumble*

Tense and Edgy.
The only time I’ve been able to relax is when I pop a xanax or smoke a bowl. My muscles almost like rubber bands stretched to the point of snapping.

Frigidness.
I haven’t been attracted to a man or interested in in weeks, which is unusual for me to say the least. Patrick stopped by unexpectedly yesterday, and I disregarded his advances. Usually, it takes very little seduction on his part to get me in bed.

Hyper-somnia and Insomnia.
My sleep schedule has also been out of whack the past few weeks. I either sleep 9 or 10 hours a day (it is normal for me to sleep about 5-6 hours a day) or I sleep 2-3 hours a day. I’ve been staying up until 9 or 10am, and then sleeping a few hours. After I wake up I’m unable to get back to sleep for several hours, if at all. When that happens I just get out of bed and start messing around with my blog or website; playing a video game; watching tv; or doing something else to occupy me. I have to be doing something constantly and I’m running out of things to do;

Gluttony.
I’ve been chain-smoking and drinking about 3.5 liters of coke a day. I’ve also had little appetite, but when I do eat I all want is chocolate or some other junk food.

Scatterbrained
I go into a room to do or get something and then forget what it was. Or I’ll be talking or writing and then lose my train of thought and not be able to find it for several minutes, if at all. (No, I’m not stoned.)

Bluntness.
I’ve been saying exactly what I think, even the negative things I usually bite my tongue about. I also haven’t cared about others’ opinions of me.

Isolating.
I haven’t had the desire to be social. In fact, I’ve been ignoring phone calls and text messages because I’m too tired and annoyed to deal with people.

I’m so tired of this up and down bullshit; unfortunately, I don’t have another appointment with my psychiatrist until the middle of August, so I guess I’m shit out of luck for awhile.

On this day..


  1. like being less depressed [↩]
  2. mostly on my blog, website, and house. [↩]