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Erick… again

This entry was posted on Monday, June 30th, 2008 at 5:53 am

and his left about 45 minutes ago. and are sleeping, so I have the house to myself - woohoo, time to write.

I decided to start nosing around in my blog. I read some posts that made me start LMAO. Sometimes, looking over past entries is embarrassing as hell. I can’t believe how direct I am (especially in the sexcapades section.)

Oh well, that’s just me, and I don’t want to change that quality.

There is so much to write about, but I have so many going through my head that it’s hard for me to concentrate on just one.

I guess I’ll start with what is happening between and me. We’ve been texting quite a bit lately. The subject has changed to him coming down to visit. He put in a vacation request for the 2nd week of August. It’s coincidental that that was the same time we met the very first time.

don’t like the fact that he is supposed to come down. She is still angry at him for lying to me about being married. I’ve tried to explain to her that was almost 7 years ago and I’ve forgiven him, but she doesn’t care.

I’m well aware that I’m not quite stable yet and that makes me wary of getting back together with . On the other hand, he knows me almost better than anyone and he is very patient and understanding. I still have the feeling that is the one person I can stay with long-term.

He’s divorced now, so that part is settled, but he still has a child. I’m not against that, in fact, I adore Anna, but I don’t want him to have to leave her. That isn’t fair to either of them. So, the only feasible option is for me to move up there. I would to live this place, with all its painful memories, and start with a clean slate somewhere else, but I don’t know if I can leave . I her so much, when I think about not being able to see her or hold her very often it literally hurts. There are also other people I care about and I know I’ll have a hard time leaving as well.

Who knows, maybe I’m jumping the gun, but I feel like it’s something I need to think about right now. I don’t want to get deeply involved with again and then be unable to leave my home – that is what happened the first time and we both got hurt badly. My heart is battling it out. I’ll wait to make a decision until we spend time together again. He’ll be here about a week… that should give me time to read the situation and figure out with path I want to take.

I’m looking forward to seeing ; I’m scared shitless and thrilled at the same time. This is an important event - it is either the end of “us” or just the beginning. Either way, I’m ready for the next chapter.

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On this day..

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Comments

2 Responses to “Erick… again”

  1. Chan on July 2nd, 2008 1:36 am

    Ok, so if McKayla was old enough to speak for herself, do you think she may tell you “do what makes you happier?” plus moving doesn’t mean you’d never see her again does it?

  2. bipolarchick on July 2nd, 2008 4:16 am

    That is an excellent point. You’ve given me another reason to really consider leaving.

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