Jun

30

Dan & Tamara Goofing off

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Here is a video from this morning.
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Jun

30

Erick… again

Filed Under Events, Family & Friends, Guys, Relationships, Thoughts | 2 Comments

Dan and his friends left about 45 minutes ago. Tamara and Tori are sleeping, so I have the house to myself – woohoo, time to write.

I decided to start nosing around in my blog. I read some posts that made me start LMAO. Sometimes, looking over past entries is embarrassing as hell. I can’t believe how direct I am (especially in the sexcapades section.)

Oh well, that’s just me, and I don’t want to change that quality.

There is so much to write about, but I have so many thoughts going through my head that it’s hard for me to concentrate on just one.

I guess I’ll start with what is happening between Erick and me. We’ve been texting quite a bit lately. The subject has changed to him coming down to visit. He put in a vacation request for the 2nd week of August. It’s coincidental that that was the same time we met the very first time.
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Jun

30

Mended Friendship

Filed Under Events, Family & Friends | 2 Comments

Tamara and I made up Friday evening. Later on that night, we drove 191 miles to see her estranged husband at Fort Sill. Tamara was texting him from my phone. He thought I was alone and that I was going to have sex with him. It was the only way she could see him because he refused to see her. It was an awkward meeting. I resented being put in that position, but she is a friend and she wants to try to work things out with Kevin so I went through with it.

They ended up having sex and he said he would think about working things out with her. Tamara and I hung out the next day for a little while after we got home. He hasn’t taken her calls or texts since then. She’s pissed off because she thinks he was just using her as a piece of ass. This time, I’m trying to keep them from dragging me into it. I got my own drama.

Anyways, we hung out yesterday and tonight too (I know it’s very early morning, but I haven’t been to bed yet, so it’s still my night.) Dan and three of his friends also stopped by my house. We had a good time.
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Jun

28

Recovery without Support

Filed Under Family & Friends, Mental Health, Recovery | 2 Comments

Recovery is hard for me right now because I don’t have a support system. My family doesn’t encourage me at all. In fact, they try to make me feel guilty for putting my mental health first. They expect me to keep on keeping on as I have done for the past 25 years – like they have done. Several of them have a mental illness as well, but they don’t do anything to make try to make themselves better. They just scrape by… like I did for so long. I’m sick of that. I’m trying to build a new life for myself and I wish they would at least try to understand me and why I have to do this.
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Jun

26

Symptoms or Side Effects

Filed Under My Episodes, Thoughts | 3 Comments

I haven’t been feeling quite myself the past few weeks. I don’t know if these things are symptoms or side effects, but I wish they would go away. A few of these things are definite pluses1 but most of them are bothersome.

Restlessness and Boredom.
I’ve been getting a lot done2 because I’ve been unbelievably bored and restless. I have to be doing something constantly and I’m running out of things to do. I rearranged and reorganized the entire house. I even started exercising. *gasp*

Impulsivity.
I had to fight the urge to hop in my car and drive to Kansas City or Dallas because I was bored one night. The only thing that kept me from doing it was the lack of gas money. *grumble… stupid oil-man turned President… grumble*
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  1. like being less depressed [↩]
  2. mostly on my blog, website, and house. [↩]