I began a long journey this day last year. I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital1 because it had come to the point that I had to choose whether I wanted to live or die.

I chose life.

It hasn’t been an easy journey thus far. In fact, it has been harder than anything I’ve ever done in my life. However, I am proud of my progress.

I have learned a lot about myself over this last year: I’ve admitted to my vices; I’ve stopped ignoring all my past negative experiences; I’ve forgiven many of those who hurt me in such unspeakable ways; I made my mental a top priority; I’ve started setting ; I don’t think of myself as a worthless pile of shit anymore.

I still have a long, long way to go, but I will get there. I have to, there is no other option. I know there will be setbacks, just as there has been over this past year, but I will handle them and do my damnedest to get back on track quickly.

When I was released from I had the fantasy that all my issues would magically go away and that I wouldn’t have to struggle with them anymore, especially my self-injury issue.

I didn’t think I was addicted to self-injury and it would be simple to never do it again. I was wrong. Granted, I was self-injury free for six months afterwards, but I know I have a problem with it. I am still trying to find a coping tool that is as good as self-injury in terms of the release that it provides. Thanks to Chan, I am going to try to start crying when I feel the need to cut or bloodlet.

I can’t promise that I won’t again, but I am going to do my best.

My Top 5 Recovery Goals for 2008
1. Get into a support group such as: Emotions Anonymous; Cutters Anonymous; Adult Children of Alcoholics; or Al-Anon.
2. Go back to therapy.
3. Improve my self-esteem and self-confidence.
4. Compose a treatment plan so I can have a more structured recovery.
5. Start treating myself and my body with respect.

On this day..


  1. Brookhaven [↩]