Archive for January, 2008

Former Wedding Plans

4 years ago
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Earlier today we had a power failure. When the power returned the only thing that would appear was the blue screen of . It took me several hours to get it resolved without losing everything.

After I got everything up and running again I found some old floppy disks. During the last crash I lost a lot of data. When I found the disks I hoped they would contain some of the data I lost. While going through about 30 disks I found something unexpected. I’m still having about it. A few of the disks had all of the information for me and ’s wedding. It had the vows, seating charts, checklists, reception , everything.

I haven’t been in with Raymond for a very long time. However, a part of me still loves him. He was my first true . I had planned to spend my whole life with him.

I was very young and felt pressured to settle down like everyone else. When I was a little girl I never wanted to be married. After witnessing all the dysfunctional marriages of my and their friends, I just didn’t want to put myself through that. That changed when Raymond told me he wanted to marry me.

I was deeply in love and ready to bind myself to him. Later, cold feet and the pressure of planning a big wedding really got to me. I went into an episode and kicked him out of my life. I have written about most of the gory details of our relationship already. I don’t want to get into all that again right now.

I didn’t feel like crying over what I found. I thought about how different my life would have been if we had gone through with the wedding. I would have never met . Would I have children? Would I be happy? I’ll never know the answers to those questions, but that’s fine. I know everything happens for a reason. Raymond and I were not meant to be together.

After looking at the plans I thought I could use most of them in the future if I chose to take the plunge. Is it wrong to use plans (not everything) from former wedding plans?


2008 New Years Celebration

4 years ago
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This New Year’s Eve started out great, but didn’t stay that way. Nothing terrible happened; the evening was a lot of until about an hour after the New Year.

had called me around 9:30 and wanted to know what my plans were. I told her I was going to the bar with Joe and . She said she was going to stay home. She is only nineteen and I didn’t want her sitting home bored on New Year’s Eve so I invited her along with us.

Back in the day I worked at the bar we planned to go to and Tori is still employed there. We knew the owner wouldn’t have a problem with Jess coming with us, despite her age. She’ll be twenty on January 7.

My sister and I haven’t been close since she met ’s father. I didn’t like him from the get go and I made it well known. She chose him and I had to live with that. I tolerated him as necessary, but I never grew to like him. She finally wised up to his philandering ways and ended their relationship a few days before ’s first birthday.

I McKayla like she was my own daughter. In fact, thoughts of abandoning her stopped me from committing suicide the last time I was hell bent on by my own hand. She is the reason I checked myself into the hospital last January.

I have wanted to rekindle the relationship with Jess and I figured hanging out with her was a step in the right direction. I was wrong, or at least that is how I felt that night.
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Lithium 101

4 years ago
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