This scare with my uncle caused me to start thinking about my and how I feel about them. I used to think that I had the most fucked up in America and I was embarrassed to be related to them. I cared more about strangers than I did my own flesh and blood.

I didn’t dislike them personally; I was indifferent to them as a whole. ‘The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them.’

Individually, I loved and still (to varying degrees) several of my relatives: my sister; brother; grandparents; nieces; nephews; and three of my cousins. I was indifferent to my aunts, uncles, and the rest of my cousins, I resented my mother, and I hated and step-father.

My indifference has had tragic consequences: I missed out on getting to know each member of my family for who they are as individuals and I didn’t learn how to express love, hurt, or .

I have to find a way to redeem myself for being so indifferent and ignorant. I want to take the time to let my family into my life and become a part of theirs. Now I have to figure out how to do it.

On this day..