I letting my mother move in with me. I took her in because she lost her home and there was a Grand Canyon-sized gulf between us I wanted to bridge.

I thought she may have changed and I wanted to forgive her for not protecting me when I was a child. Perhaps she did the best she could, but it obviously wasn’t enough. I still had many negative emotions toward her, but I seized the opportunity to rebuild our relationship despite my better judgment. I hoped that things would change between us and we could become closer to each other emotionally.

Those hopes have been dashed. I can’t stand my mother. I have tried to forgive her, but she hasn’t changed one bit. She is every bit the bitch she was when I was growing up. Actually, I think she’s more of a bitch now. I know I’m not supposed to admit it, but I can’t help it. I don’t hate her, but she is intolerable. I’m not sure how much more of her I can handle before I blow up. I’m not a violent person, but I can be pushed. Right now, it does not seem extreme, it seems justifiable.

I’m still angry with her. I feel the desire to bloodlet because I’m afraid if I don’t decompress before she returns then I will blow up on her. I don’t want to hurt my mother. I just want her to acknowledge the , most of which she allowed, and I want an apology. I deserve that much.

On this day..