'we all go a little mad sometimes'
Another Sad Anniversary
Today is the six year anniversary of my first (and hardest to handle) miscarriage. I have been sad and irritable all week and I know it’s because I still mourn for my lost baby. I know I wasn’t ready to be a mother, (hell, I’m still not quite ready) but I really wanted that baby. I still remember the miscarriage in vivid detail. It seems so fresh in my mind. I can’t help but wonder how different my life would be had I not miscarried. I dare not imagine what could have been because I know it will make me sadder.
It gets easier with each passing year, but I will never fully recover from all three miscarriages. Fear of another is what deters me from even trying to get pregnant. I felt defective and blame myself for being unable to bring those babies into the world.
On this day..
- Yes We Cannabis! - 2009
- Marijuana Inc: Inside America’s Pot Industry, Poll, Legal, Legislation, Decriminalization, Usage, International, Business, Government, Drug, Medicine - CNBC.com - 2009
- The Hill Blog» Blog Archive » Marijuana Law Reform No Longer a Political Liability, It’s a Political Opportunity - 2009
- Self-injury vs Crying - 2008
- Scars Remind Us… - 2008
- Observations - 2007
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I felt that way as well. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to go through, especially because I wanted that baby so much. I blamed myself for a long time.
I'm happy that you had a son. Is it still difficult on his birthdays?
Do you tend to get depressed more than hypomanic? Too bad we can't be hypomanic all the time.
I'm glad you enjoy my blog, thank you.
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I can't say I know exactly what you are feeling but I think we maybe in the same ballpark. I am bipolar II and when I had my first miscarriage I thought my world was ending. I figured it was something I had done to cause my body to reject the life that was growing inside me. I spent hours on the internet trying to understand what was happening.
My hormones went out of wack, I was out of it for a while. Four short months later I conceived my son and spent 9 months worrying about him. He was born on the day I miscarried the baby and no one but me seems to know that. I struggle to deal with my bipolar every day and I find your blog refreshing truth.