After my day at the salon I was feeling good. When I got home I was bored so I got online and started writing about my day. I signed on to yahoo and saw that Jeff was online. The last time we spoke I told him that I never wanted him in my life again.

I was looking damn good so I decided to message him. I wanted to show him what he would never have again. Maybe it was a bitch thing to do, but you what? I don’t give a flying rat’s ass. ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.’

He was a bit surprised that I messaged him, but I told him he could thank bipolar disorder for changing my mind. He bought it. We talked for a few minutes and he wanted to see my cam. We exchanged cams. He did all but drool when he saw me. The compliments were flying like an eagle through the sky.

I didn’t show him anything except shoulders up, but apparently memories of my bedroom talents started flowing because he became rock hard. He showed me. I asked him to get naked. *cue evil laughter*

After all that has been going on I decided it was time to pamper myself a little.

I went to the salon and had my hair done very similar to the wig in my ‘Bipolarchick Unveiled’ post. I feel a lot better about myself. It’s amazing to me how different something as simple as a hairstyle change can make women feel more confident.

After the dramatic hairdo change I decided to splurge a little bit more and have a manicure, pedicure, facial, eyebrow waxing, and massage. I left the salon with the song ‘I Feel Pretty’ stuck in my head.

This scare with my uncle caused me to start thinking about my family and how I feel about them. I used to think that I had the most fucked up family in America and I was embarrassed to be related to them. I cared more about strangers than I did my own flesh and blood.

I didn’t dislike them personally; I was indifferent to them as a whole. ‘The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them.’

Individually, I loved and still love (to varying degrees) several of my relatives: my sister; brother; grandparents; nieces; nephews; and three of my cousins. I was indifferent to my aunts, uncles, and the rest of my cousins, I resented my mother, and I hated my father and step-father.

My uncle is getting released from the hospital today.

The heart attack did 65% damage to his heart so it wasn’t strong enough for the heart cath. His cardiologist put him on Lasix and Coreg because congestive heart failure. They also removed almost 3 gallons of fluid from around his heart and lungs. He is feeling much better and thrilled to be getting out of the hospital. He will have to be monitored very closely and he is going to have to make some serious lifestyle changes, but for now he is out of the woods.

This scare made him re-evaluate his life and he wants to move back here to be closer to us. We’re all happy about that and trying to scrape up the money to move him back home.

I want to thank you all again for your thoughts and prayers. I know they made a difference in his recovery.

*HUGS*

I am a music lover. The following song by Tonic is one of my favorites and it’s very special to me. I should play this song to any potential boyfriends or lovers.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. This is a difficult time for my family. My uncle is stable now and out of the I.C.U. His heart suffered 65% damage and they are going to do a heart cath to see what they can do for him. I’ll update more as soon as we know more.

Thanks again.

I got some bad news earlier. One of my uncles (Tori’s dad) had a massive heart attack this morning and is in I.C.U. The doctors aren’t certain whether he is going to pull through or not. He lives in San Antonio so we’ll be driving down there tomorrow. I love road trips, but I doubt if I’m going to enjoy this 1200 mile (round trip) journey. I may not have the chance to post for a few days.

I began a long journey this day last year. I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital¹ because it had come to the point that I had to choose whether I wanted to live or die.

I chose life.

It hasn’t been an easy journey thus far. In fact, it has been harder than anything I’ve ever done in my life. However, I am proud of my progress.

Today my blog turns a year old.
It’s been a helluva year. I appreciate my readers for being so understanding and non-judgmental. Thanks, guys!

*Cheers* to another year of blogging.

My sister called me earlier. She wants me to watch McKayla tonight because she has a date. She hasn’t been spending much time with her daughter lately because either she’s working or going out.

Honestly, I don’t care if Jess goes out a couple times a week because that means I get to spend that time with McKayla. I look at it like I can’t have children¹ but that doesn’t mean I can’t be an important part of a child’s life. Biology isn’t everything; I couldn’t possibly love McKayla more than I already do, even if I had given birth to her.