As a child, I had rheumatic fever and was supposed to take antibiotics and anti-inflammatories, but I hated taking pills. I often flushed them down the toilet when my mom wasn’t watching. I was getting worse so they figured out that I hadn’t been taking the . My mom made me start getting penicillin shots (I guess that’s why I’m not afraid of needles. Well, that and 11 years of donating blood). However, the damage had already been done and the rheumatic fever developed into rheumatic heart disease. I only took the anti-inflammatories and pain pills when I had a flare up and the pain made me bedridden.


Because that experience I understand the importance of taking every dose. However, that doesn’t make it any easier. Currently, I am taking eleven different medications which equal fourteen pills daily. That’s 5,110 pills and almost $16,000 a year! It’s difficult to take that many pills per day, everyday. I occasionally get offtrack and start missing doses; usually the night meds which are mostly mood stabilizers. I think I tend to forget those because I don’t have a sleep schedule. It’s hard to remember to take them when my sleep pattern is so irregular. Insomnia and sleep apnea keep me from having that routine. The doctor upped my dose of ambien. I hope that fixes the issue and help lower the frequency of my .

Before the medications I only had a few severe episodes per year (they sometimes lasted 3 months or more). Now, my depressive episodes aren’t as bad, but I have many more and mixed episodes. The positive side to that is that rarely feel like killing myself anymore. However, the mania causes me to take a lot of foolish risks I normally never would take. My judgment is horrible during those times, especially when finances and are concerned.

On this day..