Archive for November, 2007

My Father

4 years ago
in

why doesn’t me? i’m his child and he never cared to get to know me. what does that say about me?

what did i do? why was i born? why do i have to live? why couldn’t my mother have aborted me instead of her first child?

i shouldn’t have been allowed to live. i don’t want my life. i wish someone would just take it from me. please. i can’t take it myself because then others may blame themselves and i don’t want that. it’s no one else’s fault; just my own and i don’t want anyone else to possibly blame themselves.

why does my father’s lack of love for me effect me so much? why does his opinion matter to me? why do i feel so unworthy?

my sister, tara, is the lucky one. this month is the anniversary of her . i want so much to have been able to be a part of her life. i wish i could trade places with her.


Directv Bastards

4 years ago
in

I’m feeling very overwhelmed right now. My new boss just called to find out when I’m coming back to . I was stoned, so I told him the truth. I hope I didn’t sound too much like a bitch. I just told him like it is. I’m still not ready yet. They overwhelmed me. If that is what they wanted to accomplish, they succeeded, but I’m not going to go without a fight. I my decision to not file a lawsuit against them. I feel like they were punishing/retaliating against me for filing the complaint with the . I’m seriously considering contacting the again. I wish I had recorded the conversation.


Signs?

4 years ago
in

My Sacrifice by Creed came on while I was talking to Peter and it made me think of . I asked myself, “why do I still feel so damned drawn to him?” We tried a relationship before and the timing was all off. I was about to blow the thought off, then Gone Forever came on. After that, Let Go by RED, Pain by Three Days Grace, and Predictable by Good Charlotte came on and kept me thinking about him. Hmmm, should I read anything into those particular songs playing in a row? Coincidence or small, yet meaningful signs?


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