On October 24th, I went to see Insane Clown Posse for the fifth time. This time I went with my roommate, Dudney. His little brother, Doug, and nephew, Robert, work security at Cain’s, so we were supposed to get in free. However, since it was an ICP show and Juggalos and Juggalettes get rowdy Cain’s beefed up security, which is why Doug and Robert didn’t get to hook us up with free entry.

I have made a ninja out of my roomie so he wanted to go as bad as I did. I sure as hell couldn’t afford a ticket because my financial situation is still dire due to being out on leave for almost five months, so Dudney bought my ticket. He said he owed me for being his wingman with T.J. Dudney rocks.
I had three Jager bombs before we even left the house. I didn’t want to be completely sober at the show. I also took my infamous coke bottle full of Jager with me. I didn’t want to take it into Cain’s with me, but I wanted a couple more shots before we went in.

I know I haven’t been writing about my life as much as usual, but things have been crazy (no pun intended) and I just haven’t had time to write. I’m working on a couple updates and I’ll post them as soon as I can.

I am a major concert junkie. I have been to lots of shows.

With any condition that goes in a cycle, half the battle of managing it is monitoring where you are in the cycle at any time.

To cope, it’s sometimes useful to think about bipolar disorder in the same way that you might think about asthma or diabetes. You need to take certain daily measures - of your breathing capacity or blood sugar - and then take these into account in what you do for that day.

I’ve asked myself this question many times. It is a given that other people with the same or similar affliction understand, but what about those who have never been exposed to it or even somewhat educated about it?

How can I find people outside of the mental health community who understand?

Know your treatment. Before you leave the hospital, make sure you have a written list of what medications to take, what dosage, and when to take them. Find out if there are any foods, medications (prescription, over-the-counter, or herbal) or activities you need to avoid while taking your medication, and write these things down. Track your medications and moods.

Learn all you can about your illness. Talk to your doctor about new treatments you might want to try. Find out what to expect from treatments and how you know if your treatment is working. If you think you could be doing better, ask another doctor for a second opinion.

Take one step at a time. You might not feel better immediately. Allow yourself to slowly, gradually get back to your routine. Give yourself credit for doing small things like getting out of bed, dressing or having a meal.

If you have severe symptoms of an illness like depression or bipolar disorder, a brief stay in the hospital can help you stabilize. Some ideas may be useful to you; some may not. Everyone’s experience in the hospital is different. Use only the suggestions that make sense to you and help you.

When do I need to go to the hospital?

You might need to go to the hospital if you:
• Are seeing or hearing things (hallucinations)
• Have bizarre or paranoid ideas (delusions)
• Have thoughts of hurting yourself or others
• Are thinking or talking too fast, or jumping from topic to topic and not making sense
• Feel too exhausted or depressed to get out of bed or take care of yourself or your family
• Have problems with alcohol or substances
• Have not eaten or slept for several days
• Have tried outpatient treatment (therapy, medication and support) and still have symptoms that interfere with your life
• Need to make a major change in your treatment or medication under the close supervision of your doctor

I am sick and fucking tired of being told how to refer to my illness.

The bipolar community has become hung up on semantics. Some swear that ‘Bipolar Disorder is a disease, not a disorder’; some argue that it is actually ‘Manic Depressive Illness’; and some contend that it is in fact ‘Bipolar Disorder’.

Personally, I do not give a flying rat’s ass what it is called. What I care about is how it affects lives - millions of lives. We shouldn’t be squabbling over what to call the damned illness. The energy spent bickering over semantics would be better put to use looking for safer treatments or even a cure. We should also be working together to educate others about what it is and its effects - that would reduce some of the fucking stigma and discrimination. That is what bipolar people really need.

I didn’t do much this weekend other than work on getting this blog and domain transferred from Yahoo Web Hosting. I still have a lot of work to do on it. After the past several weekends I figured I should behave myself for at least one weekend. I haven’t written about those crazy nights yet, but I will as soon as I can.

Tori was allowed to come over for the first time Saturday night. She spent the night. We’re all being vigilant about her not drinking alcohol. She said she had been feeling like a caged animal because her mom was keeping such close tabs on her. I understand both points of view. I don’t blame my aunt at all for behaving the way she has. I probably would too if my child almost successfully committed suicide. She has a psychiatric evaluation this Thursday. They aren’t going to make her go inpatient this time, but she will be in intensive outpatient care, which she needs badly.

We talked quite a bit about what has been bothering her. She was still upset from Tyler’s and Elyse’s funeral Friday as well as all the other shit that had been bothering her. I’m not at liberty to discuss her current primary struggle in detail. I can say is it is about her relationship with my uncle, her dad, which is all but non-existent as well as a secret that will affect my family in ways I don’t even want to think about right now.

I dugg this story written by Adam Daroff.

Sometimes, you have to be able to laugh at yourself and I found this article funny because it is SO true.