Today was a busy day. I got up at the butt-crack of dawn this morning and started calling non-profit organizations because I didn’t want to have to finish my community service at the YMCA. After leaving over 13 messages, I got a call back from Community Action Project. I start there tomorrow and it’s clerical … my forte.

After I spoke with the executive director of CAP, I had to go see my probation officer to get the pre-approval since CAP isn’t on their list. My probation officer’s supervisor was bitching at me for not having more of my hours in, so I copped an attitude right back at her. I’m not going to kiss anyone’s ass, I don’t give a shit who they are or who they think they are. That bitch isn’t anything to me. She’s just on a power trip.

I’m supposed to be finished by 9/14/07 at 10:30 a.m. That just isn’t possible so I’m going to have to go to court. I hope the judge isn’t an asshole about it. He only gave me thirteen business days to get it done anyway, which wasn’t enough with my hectic schedule.

It wasn’t my fault they only had one P.O last week and she wasn’t returning my calls. Originally, I was assigned to the DUI school, but they didn’t have anything available. The YMCA was the only place available, they were very inflexible with the hours, and I’m in so much , support groups, counseling, physical , plus psychiatrist appointments – I just haven’t had the time to get more of the hours done.

Speaking of psychiatrists, I had an appointment with a new one today. They keep shuffling me around. I like this one. She is new there, but she worked at when I was a patient, so that was cool.

I told her I stopped taking the Risperdal because it had too many side effects and I started taking the leftover Abilify I had. She wrote me a script for it, and damn, I’m glad I don’t have to pay for it because 30 days worth of pills costs $350.48. My other total out at a little over $900 a month. Therefore, it costs $15,000 a year for my … that’s ridiculous. I don’t know what I’d do without the Patient Assistance Program. Well, yeah I do, and it wouldn’t be pretty.

I’m maxed out on Wellbutrin and Lamictal so she threw in another anti-depressant/anti-anxiety pill along with the Abilify. The new pill is Lexapro. My mom and grandpa are on it and it’s worked well for them. If it works well with me then I will finally have found the right med cocktail – after almost two years of experimentation.

I’m so excited that we may have finally found the right combination. Maybe now I can become stable and stop fucking my life up. Between all the therapy and the meds I am getting better. I tell you what, it’s been one helluva journey, but I am finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and reap the rewards of all my hard work. I’m thrilled.

On this day..